so, i was just walking up my stairs, and i'm pretty sure i had an epiphany.
i stopped midway up...and it all just sort of hit me at once.
completely out of the blue.
"robyn," (i said to myself) "you've been looking at this the wrong way, all along..."
i've got to preface this cerebral vomit i'm about to spew, with this; i think this little light[bulb] of mine, may have been instigated by a text i received earlier from a friend<--link...the "thought for today," as she often sends me, this one read:
"The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it."-Moliere. Often times than not, we see obstacles as a bad thing, instead of what it really is...a source of motivation.'
so i said, "robyn, you've been looking at this the wrong way, all along...all along, you've equated being single, with being lonely, and thus, you've viewed it in an at least partially, negative light. when in reality, you should be viewing it as a good thing...because, maybe, just maybe you're single for a [GOOD] reason. Maybe, because you're an independent woman [and i don't mean that in a cliche', new age-"i am woman, hear me roar" kind of way...]and you do not allow the fact that you may not always have accompaniment, to stop you from going places, and from doing things...maybe there is a woman, or a young girl that you know, that may look up to that, and you. Maybe she sees you, and knows that it's OKAY to be on your own, and that despite that, it's still completely possible to enjoy, and explore life. Maybe you are an inspiration. Or maybe there's a man, or young guy, that sees you and respects the fact that you are who you are, and can do for yourself, by yourself...maybe he secretly hopes to one day find someone just like you. Maybe, as Andre 3000 once put it, maybe, you are the prototype<--link. Or, or...maybe, you're single for an even BETTER reason. Maybe, God has something so great in store for you [career-wise] that He knows a relationship/family would only serve as a hinderance...an impedance even, to that great thing. Maybe, He wants you to be ready, and have the capacity to focus all of your attention on this one great thing...or, many great things.
...robyn, you're not a materialistic individual...but, maybe you have at times harbored some feelings of inferiority, because you're still driving the same car that you've been driving for the past 6 years, while friends and everyone around you, (some even younger than you)are driving new model, luxury cars, fresh off the lot. but, maybe, robyn...you're driving the car that you need to drive, because you have to learn to fully appreciate that car, before God blesses you with the one you want to drive. He's not saying no, He's just saying not right NOW. accept it. embrace it. and know, that a car serves a purpose, it is meant to be a mode of transportation, and is not an indication that you're any less/more successful than the next person. you'll have your day, it is written...and therefore, it is already yours, you just have to be patient and wait for it."
i can definitely do that...patience is a virtue that i captured a long time ago.
now--maybe a month from now, a week from now, or even an hour from now, i may again be questioning failed relationships, determining and redetermining self worth, and measuring success, but in this moment, this moment right here, right now, maybe, just maybe, i finally understand the imperfect perfection, that constitutes all that is me, and all that is my life...
that's all for now, but stay tuned, after these messages, i'll be riiiight back...