robyn.em

maybe.just maybe.

2009-06-03T22:17:00.011-05:00

so, i was just walking up my stairs, and i'm pretty sure i had an epiphany.

i stopped midway up...and it all just sort of hit me at once.

completely out of the blue.

"robyn," (i said to myself) "you've been looking at this the wrong way, all along..."

i've got to preface this cerebral vomit i'm about to spew, with this; i think this little light[bulb] of mine, may have been instigated by a text i received earlier from a friend<--link...the "thought for today," as she often sends me, this one read:

"The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it."-Moliere. Often times than not, we see obstacles as a bad thing, instead of what it really is...a source of motivation.'

so i said, "robyn, you've been looking at this the wrong way, all along...all along, you've equated being single, with being lonely, and thus, you've viewed it in an at least partially, negative light. when in reality, you should be viewing it as a good thing...because, maybe, just maybe you're single for a [GOOD] reason. Maybe, because you're an independent woman [and i don't mean that in a cliche', new age-"i am woman, hear me roar" kind of way...]and you do not allow the fact that you may not always have accompaniment, to stop you from going places, and from doing things...maybe there is a woman, or a young girl that you know, that may look up to that, and you. Maybe she sees you, and knows that it's OKAY to be on your own, and that despite that, it's still completely possible to enjoy, and explore life. Maybe you are an inspiration. Or maybe there's a man, or young guy, that sees you and respects the fact that you are who you are, and can do for yourself, by yourself...maybe he secretly hopes to one day find someone just like you. Maybe, as Andre 3000 once put it, maybe, you are the prototype<--link. Or, or...maybe, you're single for an even BETTER reason. Maybe, God has something so great in store for you [career-wise] that He knows a relationship/family would only serve as a hinderance...an impedance even, to that great thing. Maybe, He wants you to be ready, and have the capacity to focus all of your attention on this one great thing...or, many great things.

...robyn, you're not a materialistic individual...but, maybe you have at times harbored some feelings of inferiority, because you're still driving the same car that you've been driving for the past 6 years, while friends and everyone around you, (some even younger than you)are driving new model, luxury cars, fresh off the lot. but, maybe, robyn...you're driving the car that you need to drive, because you have to learn to fully appreciate that car, before God blesses you with the one you want to drive. He's not saying no, He's just saying not right NOW. accept it. embrace it. and know, that a car serves a purpose, it is meant to be a mode of transportation, and is not an indication that you're any less/more successful than the next person. you'll have your day, it is written...and therefore, it is already yours, you just have to be patient and wait for it."

i can definitely do that...patience is a virtue that i captured a long time ago.

now--maybe a month from now, a week from now, or even an hour from now, i may again be questioning failed relationships, determining and redetermining self worth, and measuring success, but in this moment, this moment right here, right now, maybe, just maybe, i finally understand the imperfect perfection, that constitutes all that is me, and all that is my life...

that's all for now, but stay tuned, after these messages, i'll be riiiight back...

rm'wah.

question

2009-05-01T02:35:00.002-05:00

....does anyone actually read this blog? if so, drop a comment and let me know, because otherwise, i think i'm gonna be deadin' this blog.

on this episode of cribs...

2009-04-15T22:42:00.021-05:00

so, i realize that not everyone likes to read...and with that in mind, tonight, i'll skip the babble-ation (<---that's what you call use of creative license)and allow you to indulge in "all the pretty pictures". i'll do this on occassion (when i'm feeling too lazy to write anything).

they say that your living area says a lot about who you are, what do you think mine says about me?

THE 'SWAG' PAD

the 'chillin' room (because living rooms are overrated)

the room by which my mastication is manifested :)

el bano numero uno stairway to heaven

el bano numero dos

..and, the place where i should rest my head, but i sleep on the couch instead, cuz i'm weird like that..

and that's it for the most part. i have a second bedroom, but i don't really have anything in there just yet, still trying to figure out exactly what i'm going to do with it.

oh yeah, fun fact...lemme tell you how i did my wall art (except for Marilyn).

1. go online and find images you think are friggin' awesome

2. save them to a usb drive

3. go to kinkos and print them hoes out

4. go to walmart and get some trendy $2 frames

5. bingo. bango. hammer. nail. booyakah.

in the end, it should look a lil' somethin' like this:

the rat pack, beyonce, louis armstrong

elvis, stevie wonder, pharrell williams (aka my future baby daddy)

lauryn hill

tina turner, pink

aaliyah (r.i.p)

the greatest rapper alive

john mayer

bob marley

billie holiday

welp, that concludes this episode of cribs...ya'll ain't got to go home, butcha gotta get the aych e double hockey sticks outta here!

tata now. bye bye then.

Little Miss Busy Body

2009-04-13T12:31:00.013-05:00

..so, i've been feeling extra productive as of late. which is a good thing, because i spent so much time being unproductive. anyhoo, my weekend was pretty dope. exhausting, but, definitely dope.

friday after work, and...the mini monsoon we had here in huntsville, i went to pick up the cake for the shower i was throwing for my friend on saturday. after that and other shower errands, i didn't get home until around 8 or 9pm. i spent the rest of the evening preparing for the following day's event...well, that, and on the phone chatting with my friend candice until about 3am. i think i finally drifted off to sleep around 330am.

saturday morning, i woke up and started getting ready for the day ahead of me. i think i left my house around 9am and headed back to the cake shop...there was a minor mishap with the cake-- it fell (not as in, i dropped it, but i guess the way that they had it stacked, it just, well, fell).

a mess, right? yeah, so i dropped it off for them to repair, then went on to where the shower was to be held (at her folks' house). spent a couple of hours setting up, and then headed back out at 11 for the cake....was in sort of a time crunch, left at 11, the cake place is all the way on the other side of town, and the shower was to start at noon. ugh. luckily, they were able to fix the cake and i got back just in time for the shower to begin. i think everything turned out just perfectly. she was happy so that made me happy! it was though, my first, and last shower of any sort, lol. ever. i'll attend them, but i'm not throwing any more, lol. anyways, see the link below to a slideshow i created to see how it turned out:

http://www.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery.php?source=ppsl&instanceid=135993794

after clean up and everything, i didn't get home until around 4pm. i relaxed for a bit, and then hit the road headed to nashville for josh hoge, tony lucca, and curtis peoples at 12th & porter. it was...well, effin awesome! tony lucca opened the show. i had heard of him, but never really heard his music. let me just say, he rawked my friggin' socks off. let me give you a little sample...here's some video of him i captured singing his song "melancholy collar" (my favorite song of his by the way):

naturally, i had to purchase both his albums (one of which, he signed for me)...and then we had to get our kodak moment on.

the lead guitar guy for curtis peoples, me, and tony lucca...we're gonna start a new band, it's called Reverse Oreo, lol.

up next was curtis peoples, i'm not a big fan of his, but his lead guitar (pictured above with the pigtails) was killing it, he was very entertaining to watch...i find i always end up with my eyes glued to the person that plays/sings with the most passion, and he was it.

curtis peoples
..and the crew...

and last, but not least, mr.hoge. he pretty much performed his ass off, it was great! of course, i expect nothing less than the best from the guy. he performed all of my faves, including Shadow, and try...and of course, ain't no sunshine...except it was an extended edition, which I LOVE. check out the pix and vids that i captured, below:

Josh Hoge & Trey Lockerbie-Try

Josh Hoge-Ain't No Sunshine

the drive back was terribly horrendous, i'm sure i had about thirty, 3-second doze-offs. horrid. i got home around 2am. i immediately crashed out, and didn't wake up again until about 430pm on sunday. needless to say, i didn't have much of an Easter, but i did get plenty of rest.

so, that was my weekend. can't wait to see what next weekend has in store....i'll catch up with you all sometime later this week, maybe i'll have something to talk about, we'll see.

oh yeah, before i go, i have a little footage from the show i went to thursday night at 3rd & lindsley, here goes:

ernie halter-whisper

btw, check my new youtube page, dedicated to music http://www.youtube.com/robynemmmm

and while you're at it, follow me on twitter http://twitter.com/robyn_em

lastly, thinking of phasing out all prior email addresses and using robyn.emmm@gmail.com, so, add it.

k...tata for now.

later gators!

Like T.I. Said, I Got Big Thangs Poppin'

2009-04-07T18:05:00.035-05:00

So, I'm slacking [again]...gots to do better...

Anywho, I figured I'd better drop a little something-something before the few blog followers I DO have, lose interest all together.

I obviously can't regurgitate all the happenings of the past 5 months (nor do I even want to), but just know that things have been...well, I'll just say 'complicated'.

I won't focus on any of that though, instead I'll bring you up to speed on the more current goingson.

Let's see...I flew out to Dallas last month for a Christian Book Writer's Convention with my grandfather...he has sort of written me into the family business, as an agent/proposal writer.

I'm sort of at odds about the whole arrangment. I LOVE writing, and I love and respect my Papa and would have an awesome time working with him...but, I think considering the very nature of the business, I feel my involvment would have at least somewhat of a bit of hypocrisy tied to it. Yes, I am a Christian, but I wouldn't say I'm devout. I still go out to clubs/bars on occassion, I still drink on occassion, I still listen to secular music, etc. I just don't know if my current lifestyle would reflect well...I mean, not that I'm some devil child or something, but still, ugh. Anyways...

While I was in Dallas, there was an audition for America's Next Top Model. For those of you that don't know, the next cycle of the show is going to be 5'7 and UNDER. It's always only ever been 5'7 and ABOVE. I had gone to an audition before, here in Huntsville, years ago...but got shot down before I even got a chance to stand in line; "oh honey, you're too short, sorry." Hmph. So, I went to the audition, I made it to what I would call Round 2 (past the first judge's table), and got cut shortly thereafter. I would liked to have made it all the way through, but I honestly can't say I was all that disappointed, I felt pretty honored to have even made it past the first round of selections.

Speaking of modeling though, one day last week, I was contacted on ModelMayhem in reference to my availability for a Saturday shoot for Elleira Couture (http://www.elleiracouture.com/). So we all met up at The Mod Squad Salon on Saturday at 11, and we didn't finish the shoot with the photographer, Bill Vaughn(www.billvaughnphotography.com), until around 4 or 5 that evening, but what fun! Everyone was so nice, and I think the pictures turned out really nicely. Here are mine:

I did some networking and will hopefully get to work with Bill and some other folks again in the near future.

What else is new...oh yeeeah, something I'm SUPER excited about is...after several years of hoping and wanting and missing opportunities, I am FINALLY scheduled (Aug.1st @ 3pm) to get tattooed by Miya Bailey. Miya is a tattoo artist whose portfolio I first saw on Myspace, and was BLOWN AWAY. He works at The City of Ink in ATL. Dude is SO good in fact that there is a deposit required to even set an appointment. He's booked through July...yeah, he's that good. I don't think I'll say anything else, I'll just let his work speak for him:

Besides his OBVIOUS talent, something that really struck me with him, is a couple years ago when I first contacted him about inking me. I remember I'd started to tell him what kind of tattoo I wanted, and he cut me short...he told me he didn't need me to tell him what I wanted, that he likes to meet his clients in person and get a feel for who/how they are, and he builds the tattoo specifically for them. That alone blew me away...you do realize what that means, right? He creates 100% unique tattoos for each person, you never have to worry about seeing the same thing on someone else. How awesome is that? I do need to decide where I'm going to get it placed. It's either going to be my shoulder/partial half sleeve, or, going down my side/ribs. Opinions? I'm leaning towards the shoulder, we'll see. Also, my friend who is a pretty amazing celebrity photographer, Dennis Tortora, who currently resides in Atlanta, wants to shoot the whole session, this should be fun, fun, fun! I know some pretty freaking talented people, lucky me, here's some of Dennis' work:

Pretty dope, right? Yeah, I know.

What else, what else...oh yeah, so, how about I'm throwing my very first baby shower?!?! Yeah, me of all people. I'll let you know how it goes...it's Saturday at noon.

Other than that, not much going on here...Thursday night, I'm off to see Ernie Halter at 3rd & Lindsley in Nashville...don't know who Ernie is? He's only one of my MOST FAVORITEST (yeah, favoritEST) musicians. And Saturday night, I'm off to see Josh Hoge at 12th & Porter in Nashville. I normally see them together, but they're doing solo shows now, so, I'll fit 'em in where I can get 'em in! They may easily be my favorite two live performers (and nothing holds a candle to live music, in my opinion).Here they are together, check them out, they're both friggin' AMAZING!

I have to include Josh doing "Ain't No Sunshine"...it's my favorite part of his shows. I LOVE how he gets into it...artists with passion are my cup 'o tea.

I guess that's it...oh yeah, I FINALLY got my wheels back on my car, so I'm feeling a lot better about that as well...

Okay, I gotta go, so, hollerrrrrrrr!

P.S. To all my coffee drinkers, please check out http://www.mochaclub.org/ ...well worth your time, and your $7 if you ask me...you know if I'm doing it, then it must be cool. :)

Declare Yourself

2008-11-04T00:00:00.005-06:00

Four years ago, I voted.

(http://www.xanga.com/LostTrezher/152832209/item.html)

Four years before that, I voted.

Neither time did it turn out the way I would have hoped (or even prayed), but, it has not deterred me from casting my vote in this election.

Today, I will vote.

This, my friends, is a time in history that will be captured (is, and has been), no matter what the outcome. My grandmother is nearly eighty years old, and she voted this year, for the first time in her life. This election has given determination to individuals who have never had faith that their vote would be counted. They’ve not only registered for the first time, but more importantly, exercised their RIGHT to VOTE. I don’t care who you are, you have to admit that that speaks volumes. This election, has restored faith and encouragement to believe in a system that was put in place for the people.

I’m not going to spend my time getting into the politics of this election, because, Lord knows, that’s been done enough over the past several months (hi, my name is Robyn, and I’m a survivor of political burnout, lol). I will say this, I hope that no matter who wins this election, the next president we elect, has it in his heart, to do what’s right BY the people, and FOR the people.

And in case you’re wondering, I have no shame in saying my vote goes to Obama. For those of you who may be ignorantly assuming that his race is what fuels my desire to see him as president…you’re sorely wrong, as you and I both well know what ASS-uming does. Lucky for me, I am (not too toot my own horn, okay, maybe just a little *toot-toot*) an intelligent young woman…more importantly, I’m fair, you’ll never catch me being one-sided (and I can say that with true conviction). I have done my research on BOTH candidates (which far exceeds reading and believing email forwards on either candidate—I’m the person that will get that forward and follow up with some actual research…and nine times out of ten, they prove to be untrue) and am aware of what both *claim* (because let’s face it, until either of them proves it, that’s all it is, a claim) to have to offer America, ALL of America, not just its upper-crust citizens.

Anyways, no matter who you’re voting for, DECLARE YOURSELF, get out and vote.

P.S. I reaaally hope, that no matter who wins, all of the people who have felt so vehemently all this time, about Americans supporting their president, continue to feel this way.

Pay Attention

2008-10-28T12:51:00.005-05:00

It's been a while since I've written anything, but, now, I feel compelled.

I've been on God's green earth for a mere twenty-seven years, but I've done a lot, and seen a lot more. I've experienced joys that some people will never know their whole lives, and pains that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. We'd all like to think that we know it all . . . truth be told, we don't even know the half of it. Armed with our shield of common sense, we're quick to dispel any notions of falling victim to life's daggers of stupidity . . . "I'd never do that" . . ."how could he have been so naive?!?" . . ."oh my GOSH, doesn't she have any common sense?!?" . . ."hell, if it were me . . ." . . .but you know, the irony lies in the hypocrisy of those very statements, because, well, we've ALL been there. We've all (at some point) walked into the battle knowing that we'd be going to war, and though in every instance, the choice of turning back was ours all along, still, we trudged forward into the enemy's territory. We knew that our chance of victory was a moderate one, but our BIGGEST hopes usually lie in the smallest glimmer of possibility. When we finally face the enemy and the battle is lost, it really shouldn't come as a surprise, and yet . . .the pain seems to resonate from the core of our very being--because, we knew better all along. And in the aftermath of destruction, we can't help but to want to point the finger; place the burden of fault upon someone else's shoulder . . .but eventually, we all realize that when we point the finger at someone else, there are 3 more pointing right back in our direction. Maybe your enemy is an addiction--maybe alcohol or drugs, or maybe even sex, has you in its grips, and in the beginning, you knew that it would ruin you, but you hoped you could handle it . . .or maybe your enemy is depression or self-depreciation, maybe it's consumed you and turned your life upside down, and in the beginning, you figured it was just a phase, you hoped that you could just deal with it on your own . . .maybe it's a boyfriend/girlfriend that you became involved with and knew they could never be faithful (even if they swore their love for you was stronger than their love for life itself), but you hoped you'd be different, you hoped you'd be worth being faithful to. What/Whoever your enemy is, know this, know that they do not have to be the victor. They may win the battle(s), but it's up to y-o-u, to win the war. Pick yourself UP, dust yourself OFF, let GO of your defeatist attitude, and HOLD ON to God, because NO weapon formed against Him shall prosper. Let it be a lesson, to yourself, and maybe even others. Remember, experience is life's greatest teacher, but it's up to you, to pay attention in class.

Dismissed.

Politics in the Workplace

2008-08-21T10:09:00.011-05:00

..and this is why I don't do them...

This happened last month, over the course of 3 days, July 23rd, 24th & 25th.

**my emails will be in this color

**his will be in this color

My boss and I started to discuss politics one day, something I don't like to do much...When he said "oh my gosh, you're voting for Obama aren't you? It's not because he's black, is it? Robyn, you DO know that he's a Muslim, right? And you DO know that all Muslims want Americans dead, right?"-I knew then that to try to carry on a conversation with him about politics would be like talking to a brick wall, and I was right.

The next morning, I sent him a message telling him that after having done some research, I found out that Obama is NOT a Muslim at all, and explained his childhood and upbringing. To that, I got an email forward from him about an article in The New Yorker (apparently, the "most liberal magazine out there"), in the body of the email, aside from a link to the article/cartoon(http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/07/14/obama-cartoon.html), he put "Let's start with this"....the article itself was a satire piece...however, he took it literally I'm assuming because he was trying to use that to support his claim that Obama is Muslim.

I responded with:

I received your email, and I read the article. However, I fail to see how this article or the cartoon supports your ideas that Obama is a Muslim. In fact, the purpose of both the article and the cartoon were to point out what a preponderance it is that people actually believe he is a Muslim and his wife is a radical.

All 'satire' is, is extreme sarcasm/wit ...it's usually meant to be funny or just grossly ridiculous. In high school, I read something by Jonathan Swift called "A Modest Proposal"...this is a great example of satire. He wrote this piece during the potato famine era, a time in which poor children across the country of Ireland were living in filth because their families couldn't afford to keep them fed and clothed. The rich of course looked down on them. In this piece, Swift suggested that the Irish parents should turn their burden into their resolution...he suggested that the poor sell their children to the rich as food. He even went as far as to give different ways the "delicious new meat" could be prepared and served. This way, there are no starving children, and the Irish parents would gain money and therefore would no longer be poor...thus getting approval from the rich.

See how ridiculous that is? He wrote it because he wanted to express his aggravation at the incompetence of Ireland's politicians, the hypocrisy of the wealthy, the tyranny of the English, and the filth and deprivation in which he saw so many Irish people living. He just did it in an extremely sarcastic way., that's satire. And that's the same way this article/cartoon was supposed to have been taken. The author(s) of the article do NOT believe that Obama is a Muslim, nor do they believe any of the other ridiculous things that have been made up about him and his wife, they're basically making fun of the people who do.

Now, I don't like to talk politics because the majority of politics is not factual.
A lot of it is opinion based. Not only that, people tend to get heated when taking opposing stances...I'm okay with other people's opinions and I'm always open to listen to them, take them in, and see how it coincides with what I believe/my opinion is, and whether or not I should reconsider. What I'm even better with, are facts.

a. OPINION-Robyn is a smart girl.
b. FACT-Robyn was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma in the year of 1981 to D.A. M. (my mom's initials) & C.D.D (my dad's initials)

The opinion that Robyn is a smart girl, is just that, an opinion. It will differ from person to person. The FACT that Robyn was born in ...blah blah blah, is something that can be proven and canNOT be denied.

Obama is a CHRISTIAN, not a Muslim. As I said earlier (and these are facts...not my opinions, gathered from several reliable sources, not just one or two), Obama was born in Hawaii to a Kenyan father and a white mother from Witchita, Kansas. His mom and dad met when they were in college at the University of Hawaii. His dad was raised as a Muslim (but not a RADICAL Muslim, and there IS a difference)...which is probably where the rumor was derived from...the funny thing is, his mom and dad divorced when he was 2 and his dad moved back to Kenya, thousands of miles away from Obama and his mom. After that point, his dad, much like MY dad was completely absent from his life.

His mom remarried when he was like 6 or so, and they moved to Indonesia, one of the schools he went to when he lived there, was a Muslim school (though the school did not focus on religion). He ALSO attended Catholic schools during that time. His mom put him in those schools not because of religious affiliations, but because she wanted him to have the best education available considering where they were. Those are the "Muslim" ties he has...a father who was raised Muslim...that never actually raised HIM. And attending a Muslim school at the age of SIX....surely it seems a little unfair for people to condemn him for that, right? When I lived in Panama, I attended Diablo Elementary School (in Spanish, Diablo means "devil" or "demon")...does that make me a devil worshipper?

Obama has never said or claimed that he is a Muslim and I don't think you'll be able to produce any written document nor on-air footage to prove otherwise (however, I will be open to reading/viewing it if you do-granted that it's from HIM and not someone else's opinion of him).

On the other hand, he has claimed to be a Christian and has been affiliated with the United Church of Christ since the mid-80's.

Politics are dirty and that's the way they will always be. People start rumors and before you know it, people are claiming it to be "the gospel truth"...There are a lot of people that do not want Barack to be elected, for a plethora of different reasons...so it's not too much to expect that there are going to be rumors put out there in an effort to discredit him and affect the voting population's decision come polling time...and they can't be just ANY kind of rumors, they've gotta really hit home and reeeeally piss some people off. After September 11, it's pretty common for Americans to dislike or even HATE certain backgrounds...which is understandable I guess, but it's not really fair. A lot of people have suffered from hate crimes because of it...someone from Pakistan doesn't necessarily believe the same thing as someone from say, Iran, or Turkey...or Persia. But because they all have similar complexions and share some of the same dark features, people mistake them for something they in fact, are not, and have to be subjected to hurtful racially motivated comments like "towelhead". So if someone puts a rumor out there that throws Obama in that same group that so many people think are responsible for Sept.11, what do you think that does to his campaign? It does exactly what the person(s) responsible for starting it wanted it to do. UNLESS...people research the facts themselves and separate it from the fiction.

In telling you that Obama's not a Muslim, it's not to prove who's right and who's wrong, it's not about throwing anything in your face. It's simply to just to make you aware, so that come voting time, you can make an informed decision based on the facts and on your own opinions of what kind of person he is and what type of president he would make...instead of it being based upon phallic statements put into rotation by those who don't want him in office.

K. I'll be awaiting your rebuttal.

Instead of an actual response, he sends me another email (and actually these are all inner office emails that I assume I was intentionally left out of the loop on)...another forward actually. This time, it's a picture of Obama on what looks like a motivational poster:

So, I stoop to his level and send the same type of picture to him, but it's of Bush:

In response...you guessed it, another forward (are we beginning to think that someone can't think for themselves, because, I am). This is what the forward said:

Subject: Would you hire me???

If I only had 143 days of experience, would you hire me to fix your car? Would you hire me to run your company? If I only had 143 days experience would you hire me to Run the country? Something America might want to think about.
Just how much Senate experience does Barack Obama have in terms of actual work days? Not much.

From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. That's how many days the Senate was actually in session and working (??).

After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World, and fill the shoes of Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK and Ronald Reagan.

143 days -- I keep leftovers in my refrigerator longer than that.
This isn't taking into account the days he has missed.
In contrast, John McCain's 26 years in Congress, 22 years of military service including 1,966 days in captivity as a POW in Hanoi now seem more impressive than ever. At 71, John McCain may just be hitting his stride.

Think about IT!!!

A great many people in this country have obviously gone stark raving mad!

I responded with this:

I don't know how much experience Barack has, I have yet to delve into that. However, I will say it's funny the things that people will find to pick on someone. When I started working here, I had ZERO experience in the brick/block industry, and you hired me on as the "Assets & Materials Manager" ....When I started at Pinnacle, I had ZERO experience in the housing industry, and after a week, they hired me on permanent/full-time, and gave me a promotion from receptionist to Assist. Project Manager.

Everyone has to start somewhere. George Washington was the first president, how much experience do you suppose HE had for being President of The United States of America? None, because he was the first!

I have yet to hear you state your opinion about Barack, I just keep getting email forwards that other people have sent you, that are nit-picking and making jokes about inutile issues. What about the important things, like his policies on civil rights, homeland security, disability/health care, the economy, fair, equal and BETTER education, the energy and the environment...his views on ethics, family, and faith...etc. Okay, you might not like the fact that the father who was in his life a grand total of 2yrs was born Muslim, and maybe he doesn't have 22 years experience, does that make him any less of a candidate? If so, please explain why.

Naturally, he does not respond with an opinion, he responds with another FORWARD, and here it is:

TAKING SIDES?????!!!!????

I thought they were Americans; why does that mean one cannot display OURflag???!!?

Subject: FW: ABC News BANS FLAG LAPEL PINS

I also checked this out on snopes and it is True. Obama has said that he doesn't wear a flag pin because he doesn't want to appear to be "taking sides." ABC says they want to remain "neutral about 'causes.'" That sounds a lot like not wanting to "take sides" or is it taking Obama's side?

I not only forwarded it to all of my addressees, I also sent ABC news an e-mail advising them that until today I have watched their evening news. I further stated that we have patriotic residents in my housing area and that I will be posting the following information on our bulletin board.

I checked on the Snopes web site and this information is true and correctly worded. http://www.snopes.com/rumors/noflags.asp

I will be moving to CBS, NBC or Fox for my nightly news.

Subject: ABC News Bans Flag Lapel Pins

Several weeks ago, the brass at ABC News http://abcnews.go.com/ > issued orders forbidding reporters to wear lapel pin American flags or other patriotic insignia. Their reasoning was that ABC should remain neutral about 'causes'. Since when is support for preventing our death & destruction some sort of a cause? Since when is patriotism to be discouraged? I urge you to let ABC and its sponsors and affiliates know how you feel.

So, I respond:

Oh geeeez, for the people who believe all these email forwards PLEASE DO THE RESEARCH YOURSELF (and don't stop at one or two sources, research requires several sources, and email forwards don't count), 95% of these emails are only HALF truths (if that).

I knew you were gonna end up sending me this one sooner or later, the fact is...and please pass this along to Mike and anyone else getting "really mad"....for absolutely no valid reason...

Number one, Obama did NOT swear in using the Quran, that was another Democrat named Keith Ellison..., they're both male, and both black so I could see where the confusion would come in, but...here's another case of mistaken identity.

Number two, Barack has addressed the whole issue with the pledge/national anthem and said that his grandfather taught him that during the pledge you put your hand over your heart, during the national anthem you sing. In pictures you can see that sometimes he has his hand over his heart, sometimes he doesn't...not everyone puts their hands over their hearts during the pledge ya know, I don't always do it, does that make me a terrorist or anti-American? No. It's not even required, what you SHOULD do, is show your allegiance with your demeanor and respect.

It's so easy for people to get all worked up over nothing. Tomorrow, I could send out a mass email to a bunch of people who are already against Barack, saying that I found documentation that Barack is a Satanist, and I bet without flinching, and without QUESTIONING it...every single one of them would probably believe it, and not only that, would forward it on all around the world...next thing ya know, it's declared that Barack is a bonafied Satanist. That's because everyone that's against him has already made up their minds to be against him, so they want to believe the worst, it makes their case much better.

Here's a VIDEO of Obama reciting the pledge of allegiance during the opening of a Senate session....funny, the email forward you sent me swore up and down that he was against that sort of thing...http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u90/snopesbinary/Politics/?action=view¤t=obamapledge1.flv

I think you'll also find this interesting, straight from the horse's mouth... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWX3ar6d02A

The only thing true about the email you sent me is that ABC DID ask their anchors not to wear the lapel pins because they want to remain impartial...you have to keep in mind that these people are reporting the news it is their job to NOT take sides. Not only that, remember that they report all over the world, it could be dangerous for them or their counterparts reporting in other countries...these danger zones some of them are in could put them in a precarious position because some of the people inhabiting those countries may see them as a threat. News reporters and journalist all have their opinions, and they're entitled to them, but as a part of their jobs, they're not to report based on
their 'opinions'...they report facts.

We can go on forever about this ya know...seems sort of pointless because you're not going to see any of my points, you're just going to continue to argue the opposite.

So the next day, I had this in my inbox, which probably the one that blew me away most:

I just showed you how much experience Barry oh excuse me Barack has. 143 days. This is not about you and your past accomplishments, this is about a man who will be commander and chief of our nation. You obviously have done little or no research at all on our current President or you would see that there has not been a man in office since Ronald Reagan with better morals and values than those of president Bush. You would also see that he is a man that stands behind his God, Country and Faith without wavering. His yes's are his yes's and his no's are his no's unlike those of his predecessor which was a democrat and Barack Obama. He has already been caught in several precarious situations, interviews and comments which he has denied. His name alone speaks for itself.

You want to know about the real issues than I will forward you more information tomorrow on just how he feels about the real issues. These comments that I am sending you are the things that me and my friends with like views have been discussing for months. I will show you tomorrow that what you consider inutile issues are serious issues that every American BLACK or WHITE better be considering in November. You say your open minded about it all but what I am seeing from your words is someone that is truly not reading between the lines and doesn't want to. For someone that did not want t talk politics you sure are trying awful hard to make your point.

I am going to forward you factual information tomorrow. You just make damn sure you don't interpret it wrong and hold what has been proven and said by others to be the truth against me. This is only research we are doing and the stating of our views on the subject. You are making this personal. Good night Miss Marshall.

I responded with:

I’m not even going to comment on Bush. His approval rating pretty much says it all.
I am not making it personal, too often when two adults DISCUSS things, one or the other thinks that someone is getting upset or angry. I’m not upset or angry or bothered at all. I have always said you’re entitled to your opinion just as I am mine. Don’t think that because I actually have an opinion about it instead of my usual “well, whatever” “it doesn’t matter” “either way” ….that I’m upset, because I’m not. I’m going to say that, in the end we may as well agree to disagree. You send me some forward, I disprove it, and then you just move on to the next forward. I’m not giving you forwards, I’m not giving you what me and my “friends” have been “discussing for months”…I’m giving you facts and MY opinion….MY opinion, not a forward. How come you never respond to the information I present? All of the things that you and your “friends” have said so far, have proven to be false, which makes your arguments baseless. I’m open as long as you bring me some things that are factual not a bunch of stuff made up by haters. Obama could get in office and do the best job that any president has ever done and I guarantee you, I’d be willing to lay my life, my mom’s life AND even REESE’S life on the line and say, no matter WHAT he does, no matter what, he still wouldn’t receive the credit or respect that he deserved. This is definitely a case of, it is, what it is.

At any rate, I will do what my first instinct told me and leave it alone, I just hate for people to have opinions based on falsehoods, so I thought it was a good idea to inform you of the truth. But, apparently it wasn’t such a good idea, you go on believing whatever it is that you’re going to believe, and I’ll do the same.

Good day.

After he received it, he came in my office and closed the door, told me he sent me one more and for me to not respond, "damnit, enough is enough." He opened the door and walked out, I started whistling. He doubled back and standing in my doorway, pointing and angry finger, said "read that email while you're whistling, because that's exactly how I feel about the son of a b****"

He indeed sent me another email, and I did as he requested and did not reply. But you know why I didn't reply? Because when I went to my inbox and saw that it was just another forward, I deleted it without even OPENING it.

See, politics and religion in the workplace...no-no.

The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same

2008-05-27T13:20:00.006-05:00

Well, I'm better than I was when I last blogged..and yet, I'm still not there yet.

I keep thinking back to happier times...

..and I just can't seem to shake him.

I've had the opportunity to date other people. But things just never seem to add up. Either I'm completely not interested or there's some other issues.

One thing I can say about MP is, I never really had trust issues with him. I never worried about him cheating on me. There was one girl that I had my thoughts about, but I never really thought he would do anything with her while we were together, and to this day, I believe that he didn't.

I don't trust easily, especially when I feel that people are not being completely honest with me..as honest as I am with them.

I'm the type of person that when I'm committed to someone, I am just that, committed. Naturally, people are going to approach me. People are going to want to talk to/date me, but, if I'm involved, that's a no-go.

It seems to me that people are never satisfied with what they've got, so they're always open to something better. This is why I don't date. It's exactly why I swore off dating in the beginning of the year. I somehow decided to give it a chance, but I'm definitely having second thoughts about that. I don't want to be crushed again. I don't want to revisit the place that I'm trying to get so far away from. A broken heart is the worst pain that I've ever had to deal with. And you never know what it's like until you've gone through it, and even when you have it's nearly incomprable to the next person. Know what I mean.

Anyways, I saw MP yesterday...and we actually spoke for a few minutes. It wasn't like the other times that we've seen each other and said a maximum of 3 words. We actually had a conversation...nothing deep, but it was nice none-the-less. He starts school today, which made me extremely proud of him, though I didn't express that to him.

Seeing him, talking to him...probably not the best thing for me, being that I'm not over him, but I did enjoy every second of it. I miss him still. I miss being able to openly hang out with him...going out or just chilling inside cuddled up on the couch with Ramsey (his dog).

Why can't I have those days back?

I appreciate myself...I feel that I should be sufficient, well, more than sufficient as a counterpart, so then, how come I'm the only one that feels that way...

Slow Motion 4 Me

2008-04-24T13:04:00.009-05:00

So...it's been a while, I figured with the mood I'm in, it's an appropriate time to make a comeback.

I dunno, I'm in a really weird place right now. I'm missing the ex-factor again pretty major. And I haven't a clue as to why, or where this came from. I thought I was doing really good. I mean, it's been....10 months since we broke up. That's an ample amount of time for someone to have moved on, don't you think? So, why is it then, that I haven't?

I'm really not even sure what spawned this onslaught of thoughts of him...there wasn't a real trigger, which makes it even more frustrating.

To be honest, I'm not even sure that I miss him so much as I miss the company. I mean, aside from my being at work, we spent every single waking moment together. If I was at work 20% of the time, I was with him the other 80%. After him, I spent a good bit of my time regaining my myself by spending it out drinking. Not healthy, but, hey, it's helped to pass the time. But, even that gets old after a while. And in the aftermath, you're left stuck with yourself again. Stuck with the thoughts of the past. Stuck with the questions that have never been answered. Stuck with the disappointment of having started anything in the first place, and stuck with the regret of having it all come crumbling down around you.

I find myself questioning my own worth. I know that I'm a good catch, I do. But, you hear all these compliments all the time..."you're so pretty"..."you're so smart and talented"..."you're so much fun"...you hear all that, all the time, and you're left wondering why none of that has ever been good enough for anyone. Or, maybe I shouldn't say anyone...maybe instead, I should say, good enough for anyone that I'm interested in. Reciprocity, I long for it. And I think, in vain. I've forever, or at least for as long as I can remember, had this lingering feeling that I'll grow old, and alone. I don't know why I've always felt that way...and, I've had plenty of friends and family try to dispute that fact, but in the end, it's just the way I feel. And, with each failed relationship (though few, they may be), I feel that that destiny is just further being solidified. Maybe I'm wrong, for the love of God, I hope I'm wrong. That's really all I can do, is hope, and of course, pray.

Maybe my day will come, maybe as I imagine, it won't. In the meantime, I'm just trying to figure out what the best way to cope is. I find the solution to my sorrows at the bottom of several glasses of wine, or beer, or whatever shot I'm taking...maybe that's a trait I picked up from my alcoholic ex...but doing that, only creates more problems because it leads me to make decisions under impaired judgement, which undoubtedly only adds fuel to the fire. Filling voids, can only lead to more voids. I deserve more, right? I know I do.

I'm not the type of girl that feels like she needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy, but on the other hand, it's always nice to know that someone enjoys your company without the promise of sex to follow. To be quite honest, I really don't even know if I would want to cruise down Relationship Highway, because it's usually even more of a headache than being alone. But, there are things I miss. I hate being a girl about things, and, before me and the ex-factor began dating, I was in a place where I appreciated my singularity. I was content. And I didn't need anyone...I never planned to let him in at all...it just sort of snuck up on me. HE, just sort of snuck on me. Damn him for that. Damn me for allowing him to sneak up on me like that.

*Sigh*

I suppose I'm done ranting for the moment. I'll get over it, honestly, maybe I'm just pmsing. I'll check back in a week or so with my progress, and then we'll know.

Til then....

SSS, out.

Soon And Very Soon

2008-03-02T17:57:00.002-06:00

...I'll be back soon. I've got a lot to say, just not sure where to start...seem to be having that problem a lot lately.

Just be patient w/me. Thanks.

It's About That Time

2008-02-24T18:57:00.001-06:00

....new entry soon, promise.

Can 'O Worms

2008-02-14T12:47:00.019-06:00

Yeah...that's what I got myself when I allowed open questioning...

First things first though, Happy Singles Awareness Day (SAD) to all!

Second, I went to see my future home [hopefully] yesterday after work. Here's the info:

850 sq. ft.

Wood Burning Fireplace

Customized Closets Throughout

FREE Basic Cable

Dishwasher, Disposal, Refrigerator w/Ice maker, Stove/Microwave

12x16 Master Bedroom

Garden Tub (access to bathroom from bedroom and living room)

Large Covered Patio With Swing

Access to 2 Pools & Clubhouse

Car Wash Area

Volleyball Court

Tennis Court

So, the only thing left to do, is turn in this credit application (ahhhh, scary...damn those student loans....and my lack of concern to pay them back!!)

Let's cross our fingers on that one. If I get approved, I plan to move in March 15th. Woot!

What else? Oh yeah, this'll be my last post until...probably Monday, possibly Sunday depending on what time I get back.

And I guess that's enough with the preliminaries, I'm sure you're here to read the 'Questions & Answers' segment...or, my 'can o' worms.' So here goes:

Requisitioner: Sean
Question: Will you marry me? No need to keep me anonymous...I want the world to know that you're the most dee-zeye-ur-abel wo-man on the planet earff! :) lol
Answer: YES!! Absolutely...as long as you promise that we can have our wedding reception at McDonald's and I can have alllll the value meals I want...AND supersize em (even though I don't think they supersize anymore, make it happen!). Oh and our wedding cake has to be made out of McDonald's apple pies. Witcher sessy self!! :)

Requisitioner: Ebony
Question: What do you think God's purpose is for you?
Answer: Well, to be quite honest, I've got a few ideas, but I'm not sure which is His purpose for me, or whether or not it could be all of them. As we all know, I'm am pretty deeply in love with MUSIC and I think there's GOT to be a reason for that. Maybe I am supposed to be honing my playing/writing skills so that I can let music be my voice, maybe effect some people's lives using that avenue. That's what I want anyhow. Other than that, I think I'm a great listener and a good advice giver...mostly because I don't take sides, I tend to analyze an entire situation and give my honest opinion. My friends, I think, really appreciate that. So, maybe I was put here to be a good friend, sort of a simple task, but I think to those that I am friends with, it means a lot.

Requisitioner: Marlin
Question: Do you only date white guys? If so, why? And how did you forget my birthday?
Answer: For one, you can't count...that's THREE questions. But uh, good question, I'm sure a lot of inquiring minds would like to know this answer. NO, I do not exclusively date white guys (I honestly don't even have a preference). But I'll explain a little further. I think this sort of goes back to my childhood. I grew up a military brat, which means I was exposed to backgrounds-a-plenty. I was never around JUST black folks, or ANY one particular group. Growing up my friends ranged in race...at one point my best friend was a black girl named Olasha...next was Lucy, a Korean chick...a Puerto Rican chick named Michelle when I lived in Panama...a white girl named Sarah when I lived in Hawaii (Happy Birthday Sarah--she's STILL one of my best-friends)...I had friends of Samoan descent, Chinese, Fijian, Filipino, I mean, you name it, I knew 'em. I wasn't really solely surrounded by black culture until my stint at Alabama A&M University...and it was like a whole new world. One I loved, but at the same time...in the aftermath of it all, I found that I had to lose myself in order to fit in. Musically (and pretty much all around) I've always been really diverse...when I was at A&M, if I had friends riding in my car, or even riding down the block with my windows down and music blasting, if I was listening to Creed, or Alanis, or Third Eye Blind...I always got ragged on. So, I stopped listening to that stuff and started bumping a lot of hip-hop. Anyways, after some time of feeling less than myself, I finally realized that I'm never going to please everyone, I've got one life and I've got to live it for me, and up to my standards, no matter what questions it may raise in others. So, that's just a little background information. Who I date, has a lot to do with where I hang out and the things I'm interested in. I'm usually in the downtown area, and around here, that's predominately white. So, that's who I get approached by. I'm not opposed to dating anyone of any race, so long as there is a mutual attraction involved. Literally, I've dated just about every 'type' of guy there is and that's not limited to race. I'm equal opportunity baby! Next, I didn't FORGET your birthday, I never knew it (despite what you may THINK), so ha!

Requisitioner: Joe
Question: How long can you go without having sexual relations with a man?
Answer: Uh was the 'with a man' specification really necessary? lol. Anyways, I think the longest I've actually gone w/out was a year...I don't remember, it was one or two years. At least one year though I know for sure. As far as how long I COULD go, I'd say that's sort of up in the air...however long I deem necessary I guess.

Requisitioner: Maurice
Question: Did you get some last night?
Answer: No.

Requisitioner: Kel B.
Question: Me & another bandmate who shall remain nameless, are interested in knowing when was the last time you had sex?
Answer: The last time I 'got some' was not more than 8 weeks ago...if you two ever bothered to read my blog...and read of 'run-ins' with "Ryan" that could put you in the ballpark.

Requisitioner: Candice
Question: What's the difference between loving someone, and being in love?
Answer: I'm certainly NO expert in this area...but...I have dated and had love for/loved a few guys. But there was something totally different about being IN love with MP. And I'm not even sure I can put it into words, it's moreso something FELT...something you just KNOW. And it sort of sneaks up on you and in a single second you just realize that it's there. I think loving someone, is having a deep and genuine concern for them and their well-being. Being IN love, you're more likely to accept/put up with things that you would otherwise, eighty-six someone were it any other individual. Like I said, I honestly can't really explain it, it's just something you know. And sometimes you don't even realize it until much later...when you have something to compare it to. Hopefully that wasn't too ass-backwards of an answer.

Requisitioner: Jose
Question: When are you coming to New York.
Answer: I'm not sure. I want to make it before the year is out though.

Requisitioner: Rachael
Question: If you could kiss anyone, who would it be, and why?
Answer: Pharrell Williams. Hands down like 6:30. Why? Because he's MY 'Ideal' guy, has been for yeeeeeeeeears. Plus, just LOOK at him AND those inviting lips!

Requisitioner: Bab
Question: What would you do on a 24hour date?
Answer: Well, that's sort of a broad question, considering I don't know if I have location and/or fund limitations...and seasonal/weather info. But, I'll assume you mean around my neck of the woods, and I'm gonna say this is a summer date. Well, for what I'd want to do, it'd probably be best to skip breakfast...so, maybe meet up around 8, and drive to Pell City for skydiving. We'd arrive around 10 or 11...give an hour for paperwork and training...jump...grab a late lunch at my favorite restaurant California Pizza Kitchen. Drive back to Huntsville...it's about 4 or so now...rent some movies and go to the grocery store to pick up some items to cook for dinner...make dinner together and watch movies. The end. Viola!

Requisitioner: Giovanni
Question: Can you tell me what this formula is used 4: Fnet= (M1-M2)g = DMg
Answer: No, I sure in the hell cannot.

Requisitioner: Erica
Question: Have you ever had butt sex?
Answer: First of all, I hate you for asking me this question. Second, I hate me for promising to answer all questions. And third, I hope my mother never comes across this particular entry. Ugh...alright, I consider myself to be a pretty open-minded person, but there are just some things that I deem as unnatural...and having ANYTHING going INTO what's only made for things to come OUT of, is one of them. However, I did once let the ex-factor talk me into 'trying' it, which only took about .5 seconds (literally) to confirm that it was not something I was interested in.

Requisitioner: Errick
Question: If the way you died was an explanation for the way you lived, how would you kick the bucket?
Answer: Drunk? KIDDING. Okay, seriously. That's probably the best question that ANYONE posed to me. Definitely the most difficult to answer. I'd probably get killed playing electric guitar in the rain. At least I'd die doing something I love, and am known for.

Requisitioner: Wayne
Question: Do you still luv me even though I don't live there?
Answer: Of course, you're my boy forever!

Requisitioner: Swoll
Question: How am I so fortunate to have such a beautiful, talented friend like you in my life? Why do you love me so? Out of all of my friends, when you tell me "I Love You" I feel it, and I know you ain't lying.
Answer: Hey, it's an easy question! First of all, thank you. Second of all, the truth is, you're not the lucky one, I am. Thirdly...why do I love you so? Because you know me. You KNOW-ME-KNOW-ME. Whatsmore, you know me, and you STILL love and accept me IN SPITE OF ME. You don't sugar-coat anything for my benefit. Before I tell you about something, I pretty much already know your response, and vice versa. We could go for a whole year without talking, and pick back up right where we left off, without skipping a beat. On the same note, we could go months without talking and then out of the blue,when something is bothering you, without even having talked to you, I will get this innate aching that's something is wrong, and I'll check in with you...and sure enough, there'll be something that you're going through. Some people are just born friends, we are that. God knew I needed you in my life, and vice versa. I love you because I was born to love you and I always will.

Requisitioner: Ari
Question: If you got pregnant from a one night stand, would you keep the baby?
Answer: Throughout my life, there's a LOT of lessons I've learned...none more important than to remember not to state what you'd "never" do. I don't know WHAT I'd do in that situation. I'd hope that I'd make wiser decisions that would avoid putting myself in that situation to begin with. But, no one is perfect. I'd also hope that, if I DID find myself in such a precarious situation, that I'd make the decision to keep the baby, because I don't condone abortion. On the other hand, I can't say what I'd "never" do. Because there have been far too many things that I HAVE done that I swore I never would. I guess I'm human afterall.

Requisitioner: Honorae aka "Ray Ray Jankins" lmao
Question: What made you start doing music?
Answer: Simple answer. My love for music. Five years ago, as a joke, a friend of mine wrote a blog in "my" voice (he wrote it as if to say "here's an example of one of Robyn's blogs)...within that blog he wrote, he said:

"...On a serious 'note' I love music! music was my refuge when I was younger(and still is). I would crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. It just takes me to a place where I feel safe..."

I'd say even though he was being sarcastic, that pretty much sums it up for me. THAT is the kind of power that music has in my life. It lives in my bones and resonates in my soul.

Requisitioner: Neal
Question: What do you do in your room when you're all alone?
Answer: 85% of the time, I'm sitting at the computer, with my back to the tv. If I'm on the computer, I'm either surfing ebay, myspace, http://www.sofreshforums.com/, ah, chatting, making youtube vids, whatevers...also, at least one of my guitars is usually sitting beside me, so between surfing and waiting for pages to load, I'll randomly pick up the guitar and strum a tune. The other 15% of the time, I'm in bed. If I'm laying down, I'm either watching tv, on my way to sleep, asleep, or just waking up. Sorry for such a 'boring' answer, but, I promised to tell the truth..and that's the God's honest truth :)
And well, I think that concludes the question/answer session. Hopefully I've answered all your questions to a fair degree. If not, get over it :)
Anyways, you hooligans enjoy the next three-four days without me, actually, I just MIGHT post tomorrow if I have time. If not, I'll 'see' ya when I get back.

VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because it's the holiday of love..and this is one of my favorite love songs:

Love ya'll.

RMwaaaaaaaaaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Stupid Cupid

2008-02-13T12:30:00.012-06:00

I’ve been one day ahead all week. Monday, I thought it was Tuesday, Tuesday I thought it was Wednesday, and today, I feel like tomorrow should be Friday. I wish the week would catch up with my mind, lol.

Speaking of tomorrow…it’s Valentine’s Day. I think it’s my least favorite holiday, in fact, I know it is. It always seems like just another reminder to the single people of the world, of what they don’t have. I get sick of seeing the commercials, sick of hearing about it, period. I have never had a good, meaningful Valentine’s Day...yeah, and I'm twenty-six years old. I remember the year that JB and I were dating…I spent Valentine’s Eve being creative with his gift, I made him up a gift basket of his favorite things, threw in some special customized coupons I’d thought up, and wrote out one of the most heartfelt cards ever. I didn’t hear from him until around 10pm on Valentine’s Day when I received a call from him saying:

“I got your gift, you want it, or what?”

Yeah…not so much. And need I mention that there never actually was a gift? Not that that's what matters, because I'm one of the least materialistic people you will ever meet, I just like knowing that I'm thought of, it really is the thought that counts, as cliche as that may sound. Anyways, last year wasn’t so bad. Actually it was kind of nice, an internet friend of mine drove up from Atlanta and took me to dinner and a movie. It was a little awkward because we hadn’t met previously. It wasn’t a romantic type connection, but, it was nice to have gotten to meet him after so many years and also to have someone to chill with on the dreaded holiday. This year, I’m not all bugged out by it, I’m just like ‘eh, whatever’, I’m gonna have Ladies Night with the girls, and call it a day, that’s ALWAYS guaranteed fun. So, I’ve spoken my piece on that.

Oh wait, I almost forgot. A couple months after MP (the ex-factor) and I broke up, I was still all tore up about it...I wrote him a letter and sealed it in an envelope. I told myself that if I still felt the same way 6 months from that day (which would be THIS month), then I'd give him the letter on Valentine's Day. Now, the feelings I felt, and everything I wrote, was real...he is the one guy that I can say I actually fell IN love with. However, as much, much time has passed, I've come to realize that just because you love someone, doesn't mean you can/should be with them. At any rate, since he'll never see the contents of that letter and since I promised to be candid when I created this blogsite, I'm going to share the actual letter with you (*save for changing some names):

Happier Times

Dear M,

I'm not sure what this letter is for, righteously, I'm not sure it's even for/to you. I think I'm just writing because sometimes it's just good to get things out on paper. You can't visualize feelings, but you can visualize words, and maybe that's the purpose of this letter (if you can call it a letter). Let's see. I'd say it's been roughly two months or so since things went sour between the two of us.

At first, I was just disappointed and felt rejected. Then I think I felt a bit desperate and hurt, and I continued to reach out to you, in vain. Then I think I was depressed, because I was confused by the whole turn of events and therefore questioned my own self-worth. It got pretty bad, like, yeah, bad. I became pretty despondent & engaged in some pretty self-destructive behavior, and I didn't care. Everywhere I went, everything I did, there was something relevant to some memory of you, or, just you in general. I'd meet people, and then find out that they were somehow connected to you. It got to a point where I was seeing *Amy (his ex-wife) out every weekend, or I was seeing your car somewhere, and it just sucked for a while. But, eventually, things got a little easier and I kind of fell back into my old routine.

Dating kind of helped, but, that said, not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought of you. And then I found out about the whole *Brittany situation, and I've gotta tell you, I was (pulling out your favorite word) F*CKING pissed. Oh my gosh, you just don't know. I'm actually still pissed about that. Not so much that you found someone else to screw (date, whatever), not even so much that that 'someone else' was *Brittany, but, mainly because I specifically asked you about an attraction to her, and you lied. "Pssh, what?!? No, she's got nothing on you, I assure you…. you have nothing to worry about…and plus, I'd never do that to *Brian (his best friend, who was dating *Brittany)." Talk about eating one's words. So yeah, it just sucked finding out the REAL reason behind everything, instead of you just telling the truth. My initial thought was, revenge. And while I am extremely creative, I'm not the vindictive type at all. I did, however, fully intend to curse you the hell out, upon first sight. And it so happened that I got that opportunity last week. Unfortunately, I was completely & utterly trashed, with a capital T. So, when I saw you, I couldn't think quick enough to lay it on you. Instead, I continued w/what I was doing, and tried blocking you out. The whole while though? My heart was in my throat. Or, stomach. Not sure which one. And it's really, like, frustrating and confusing. Because I am positive that as I sit and ponder over what was, and what could have been…you've gone on since that day two (almost three) months ago without a second thought about me. That's what's frustrating. Knowing that I've got these feelings for someone that has lost all interest in me being with me, is less than thrilling, to say the least. And confusing, is WHY? Why DO I have an interest in you? What did you do that was so great? You were nice, yes. But you're not the nicest. Very attractive. But not the most attractive, etc. So, why? I still don't know. What I do know, is how I felt when we were together. No matter what we were doing…whether it was watching tv, eating, swimming, kissing, laying in bed together, or sitting in silence…no matter who was around, whether it was *Evan, *Brian, *Brittany, your neighbors, your parents, *Sammy (his dog) or just the two of us…didn't even matter where we were, I always felt I was where I needed to be. I felt completely comfortable. Not in the sense that "oh my God, we belong together, we have to be in some sort of super serious exclusive relationship," but in the sense of "I like you a lot, you make me happy, let's go with it." I've never ever been hung up on a guy like I have been with you. It's so much easier to have the "two tears in a bucket, and fuck it," kind of attitude. And yet, tried as I may have, I have still been unsuccessful, even now. Two/three months after the fact, plus finding out about *Brittany. As disgusted and appalled at that as I was. Even after reflecting over the alcohol thing, I'm still not over it. Don't get me wrong, it's not nearly as consuming as it was before…hell, it's not even so much 'consuming' as it is 'consistent.' It kind of reminds me of this song called "Do You"…it goes like this:

Maybe this decision was a mistake
Probably don't care what I have to say
But it's been heavy on my mind for months now
Guess I'm tryna clear some mental space
I would love to talk to you in person
But I understand why that can't be
I'll leave you alone for good, I promise
If you answer this one question for me
*I just won-der
Do you e-ver
Think of me…
...Any-mooore…
...Do you…

One thing I will not wonder, is if I was completely honest w/you, and foremost, myself. I've come to the conclusion, M[ ] P[ ], that I am in love with you. There, I said it. I don't know the first thing about love, what it's supposed to be/feel like, hell, I've told myself that I don't believe in love (not the romantic kind anyhow), but…I know that I've got this indescribable feeling for you, that I've never had for anyone else I've ever dated (and I've had much longer-lasting relationships than the one we had). So, I guess that's it. What's my point? I'm still not sure. I think I'll fold this letter & seal it in an envelope. Six months from now, if I still feel the same way, then I will know it's not just some fleeting feeling, or because I'm just on the receiving end of being 'let go.' So, if you're reading this letter, then it's true, I love you. That's probably one of the scariest things I've ever said/admitted (and I didn't even have to say it out loud). And in admitting this to you, I'm hoping you're not like "Ohhh my gawd, it's been umpteen months, and this girl is STILL jockin', what a psycho." Because that is precisely what I've thought about in the past about some of my exes that were still calling and asking to get back together, months, even years after the fact. But now, I understand, I think. Please believe, I'm not psycho, I'm not super desperate, I'm honestly not even asking to get back together w/you (or see you, or even talk to you). I guess I just feel that if I feel it then, you should know it. Life is extremely short and unexpected. I don't like to LIVE with (and certainly don't want to die with) regrets, and not telling someone I feel that I'm in love with, that I'm in love with them, is not going to be one of my regrets. So that's it M, this is more for me, than it is for you, no response is necessary…just having you know, is enough.

Sincerely,

RSM

Yeah...so, pretty heavy, eh? Talk about bearing one's soul. I'm definitely glad I made the decision to wait six months, as opposed to giving it to him then.

Anyways, enough about that.

The stupid condo lady did not call me the other day…I’m gonna call her today, because I reaaaally wanna see it! If that doesn’t pan out, there’s a couple of places I have in mind. I’m just ready to have my own space. I love living at home, don’t get me wrong…my mom is the one ‘best-friend’ that I know I can always count on and always has my best interest at heart . . .and we get along fine, we don’t fuss or fight or argue (well, if we do, it’s very very rare), so it’s not like I’m in a bad situation, but, it’s just something about having your own that's a lot different than living at home, ya know?

In other news, I only have 8 more car payments until my car is paid off (well, I’m gonna try to pay it off in less than that)…do you KNOW how great it is gonna be to have that extra $250/month in my pocket (yeah, $250 for a Cavalier, I definitely got ripped off).

Yes, things are looking up for Robyn in 2008.

On another note. I'm with T-Mobile, right, have been for the past faithful 6 years. Anyone that's known me for half a millisecond knows that I'm ALL about my Tmobile Sidekick...I've had one since the first version...well, all good things must come to an end. I get tired of losing my 'G' here lately, and the fact that after all this time, Danger/Tmo really haven't added much, technology wise...I mean there's an MP3 player now, but, whoopdie doo. I have two separate contracts with Tmo, one which is strictly for my sidekick (no phone plan on that one...I've never wanted to hold that big thing up to my ear), and one for my regular celly. My cell contract was up on the 17th of last month, but the sidekick won't be up until October of this year. I want the I-phone now. So, I will get that to replace my regular celly and I'll also have the sidekick until October, then I'll be eighty-sixin' it and I'll have one device for everything, yaaaay. Look at it, isn't it delightfully wonderful:

I’ve got an idea for my next entry…so, stay tuned, it’ll be less random than my usual entries. As for now, I think I’ve said all I’ve got to say. Peace, love, and hair grease!

P.S. Speaking of deviating away from the norm...if there's anything you want to hear me talk about, or anything you'd like to get my opinion on, feel free to drop me a line, style.substance.swagger@gmail.com and I'll address it in the blog, if it's personal, just lemme know and I'll protect your identity :)

Oh yeah, and for those of you that comment, I just wanna send a special shout-out/thank you to let you know you're certainly appreciated!! Love ya'll!

VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because aside from me, this girl is master of emotion--plus she's got an amazing voice!! She killed this song (especially at the end)!!

RMwaaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Long Time Comin’

2008-02-11T12:19:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I’ve been slacking majorly on the posting lately, and for those of you that actually enjoy and look forward to readin’ my blog, I apologize. I’ve just been so busy...having FUN! On that note, I’ll fill you in on the day by day activities since I last left you (this is gonna be long, so at least I’m making up for my absence!)...which I believe was about two weeks ago, on a Thursday night.

I met up with Brandi that night, at Humphreys. We snagged a table and ordered drinks and some food. Another regular, we’ll call him ‘C’ was there, and standing at our table rehashing my err…tequila-driven actions from the previous weekend. In, walks one of his friends, ‘J’ and he’s with a girl, that I immediately recognize as familiar. I’m not exactly sure HOW I know her, but I’ve got an idea. They sort of pass by the table, and head to the bar, speaking to ‘C’ in the process. Drink in hand, the girl moseys over from the bar, to our table, pulls out the chair beside me, and sits down. She introduces herself as “Lo” to Brandi, and then to me. I respond with… “don’t I know you already?”

She sort of stares at me a couple seconds and then exclaims; “MP!”

*NOTE: MP are the initials of my ex.

Now, it’s confirmed how I know her. I’ll give you a little background information. There were three instances that I’d run into this girl. I dated a guy last year for about two or three months. From one day, to the next, things went from near perfection, to...just, I don’t know. We suddenly went from hanging out every single day and every single night (I mean, I may as well have been living with him, that’s how often I was there, the only time I wasn’t, was when I was at work, or, getting more clothes from home), to barely communicating, much less hanging out. He had some underlying issues that I guess he needed to deal with, to this day, I’m not sure. ANYWAY, he explained to me that he didn’t feel as though he had anything to offer anyone right now...and I’m too nice a girl to...blah blah blah. Now, given that explanation, you can imagine my surprise when one night I was walking a friend to her car after a night at Humphreys, and we’re laughing and joking on the way to the car, and we run into another girl who sort of began to joke with us…it went something like this…

[insert random laughter/jokes]
Me to aforementioned girl: girl, do you even know where you’re parked???
Girl: [laughing] ohh, I didn’t drive, MP did.

At which point, I think my face sort of fell. And I’m guessing it showed.

Girl: Uh oh…do you know him?

Before I could even respond, a few yards away, walking down the sidewalk, is MP. He throws up one arm and says; “yo, let’s go” …I don’t know if he saw me, or not. Off she walked in his direction, they got in his car, and that was that. I was, well, livid. I felt like I’d been lied to…like he hadn’t been forthcoming about why we’d broken up. I should’ve let it go, but, I felt that I deserved the truth…and, well, I’d been drinking, so, I called him. He didn’t answer of course, I left him a message. He called me back much later that morning, around 4 in the morning, I was asleep. He called again later that day. I missed both calls. I called him back, he didn’t answer. We played phone tag like that for a while.

About 2 weeks later, on a Sunday night, at my best-friend’s urging, I text him to see if he was out. Turns out he was. I ended up going to the bar he was at, so that we could finally talk. Beforehand, I asked if he was out alone, and he said he wasn’t. I wasn’t going to go after that, but he kept texting asking if I was coming. So I asked if it was going to be alright with whoever he was with, if I were to show up. He assured me it’d be fine, in fact, his exact response was “f*** yeah.” So I show up, turns out he’s with the parking lot girl, and another one of his girl friend’s, ‘K’ (this one, I know). We step outside to talk…at one point, he’s got to use the restroom, so he excuses himself. It was pretty cold out, so after a couple of minutes, I decided to wait for him inside…at which point, I realized I needed to go to the bathroom, which was located down in the basement. As I’m going down the stairs, he and the parking lot girl were coming up. I could tell that there was some tension between them. From the bathroom, I could hear them talking on the steps, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. When I ascended from the steps, they were both standing in front of the door…he sort of threw his hands up, and she walked out. A few minutes later, I think he went after her, he was gone a long while before he came back.

The third instance, was on Halloween night, which was about a week later. I was walking down the sidewalk towards Humphreys, when on the other side of the street, I thought I spotted Mike. I ask Laura if that’s him… “yep, that is Mike.” We make it across the street and are walking towards him, he’s with parking lot girl and ‘K’ again. Laura says “Hiiiiiii Mike” and I say “Yeah, hi Mike”….he speaks or whatever, and parking lot girl says “hiiiiiiiii Mike” in this mocking voice. It made me SO mad. I avoid confrontation because I just am not into drama (though it seems to follow me), but I was ready to confront this girl that night. Laura sort of dragged me into Humphreys, so no other words were exchanged.

I didn’t see her again after that. Until Thursday night two weeks ago, when she sat down at our table. More on that…

So we start talking about the night we met in the parking lot, which, she doesn’t really remember. We talk a little about MP, just generally, nothing in depth. And then we just shoot the sh!t about nothing in particular. Turns out she’s a pretty awesome and fun person. So much in fact, that when Brandi and I prepared to leave Humphrey’s, to head down to Sammy’s, we asked her if she wanted to join us, which she did. We partied hard that night, and I paid for it Friday…felt like crap all day long, lol. **Will Insert Pix Later**

Ah, that Friday night, I didn’t do anything, just spent the night recovering from the night before. Saturday, I headed down to Birmingham for a Real World open casting call @ Zydeco. It wasn’t as much fun as the one I’d attended in Nashville a couple years ago (you can read about that, here http://www.xanga.com/LostTrezher/36616252/item.html), but maybe because I was by myself. They were supposed to have been doing call backs that night, for the following day, but I didn’t receive one so, no Real World for me, lol. After the casting call, I drove about an hour and a half, to Prattville to catch Michael’s show @ The Blue Iguana. Great show, not a great crowd or location, but as far as the talent goes, Michael and the boys never disappoint.

RW Casting Call @ Zydeco-Birmingham, AL-02.02.08

Michael Warren Band @ The Blue Iguana-Prattville, AL-02.02.08

Sunday night, Lo called me and said she was meeting up at Crossroads with MP, E (a good mutual friend of mine), and E’s gf and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up with them. After making sure she’d cleared it with MP, I agreed. We all hung out, and oddly enough, it wasn’t awkward at all. Even after E, E’s gf, and MP left, Lo and I hung out for the rest of the night. I ended up crashing at her place, and went to work the next morning in some clothes her roommate provided me, lol.

Monday was spent recovering again.

Tuesday, I went to vote after work, woohoo! And later that night, Lo and I headed downtown for the Mardi Gras events. Boy, what a night. I guess there were two things that sort of stood out about that night. The first, was Lo & I running into MP out on a date. The irony never ceases…on top of that, at some point, I think Lo suggested we go bug MP for a drink (this was at a bar, so it wasn’t a romantic date anyhow)…what should have been an awkward moment (but wasn’t at all...which is weird), followed, it went something like this:

Lo: let’s go get MP to get us a drink
Me: what? no…plus he’s on a hot date
Brandi: man, f*** a MP
Lo: [looks at me] we already did that!

And then we burst into hysterical laughter. Wow, just wow. The second thing that happened involved a straw thief (yeah, so you know it’s gonna be interesting). This is what happened…

I'd brought both of us these super cool blue bendy straws (can be seen in photos). So, we both have our straws…and then, suddenly, only I have my straw. We eventually figured that she must have dropped hers when she was giving me a piggy back ride up the stairs (uh, don't ask). So we go back downstairs to look for it. We spot a guy and a woman (and I say woman, because this wasn't like…some teeny bopper here), and the woman, is holding our straw. So we walk over and POLITELY ask if they happened to have found that straw. The guy openly admits he found it. The woman says "if both of you kiss him, then I'll give it back" …I'm like…wtf, why should we have to do ANYTHING to get something back that already belongs to us?? (not to mention, why is she trying to get us to kiss the guy SHE is with..freaking weirdo). We go back and forth, because obviously, we're not gonna bend, and neither is she. I eventually get fed up with the back n forth banter, and I say "forget this, let's go get Larry" (security, whom I know very well). So, Lo and I go and explain to Larry, the whole situation, we follow him back to where this woman is. Now HE'S going back and forth with her…she keeps saying "this is MY straw…I know the law…I know the law…blah blah blah" (apparently, she knows the law, lol). At this point, to me, it's not longer about the straw, it's like…you KNOW this does not belong to you, why are you hoarding it? I was SO pissed…so I made a move to snatch the straw out of her hand, but she had some sort of intense Hong Kong Phooey Kung Fu Grip on it…I couldn't wrestle it out of her hand, so then we BOTH had the kung fu grip going. She's yelling "you're assaulting me, you're assaulting me…I know the law (of course)"…Lo pulls me away, and tells me to just forget about it. The woman is not content with just giving us the straw back, but she's okay with Larry MAKING her throw it away (guess she figured if she couldn't have it, none of us would—she was wrong), at which point, Lo retrieved it out of the trashcan, gave it to the bartender who sanitized and rinsed it off and gave it back to us. Never a dull moment, I swear. Oh, and Larry kicked the chick out (which we cleverly avoided, lol), yaaay! Team RoLo wins again! After Crossroads, we went back to Humphreys, and then from Humphreys to 3rd Base and then finally, home. **Will Insert Pix Later**

I don’t remember doing anything Wednesday night, probably recovering again. Thursday night was the official ladies night as usual. This time, it was me, Lo, Lil Bit, Brandi, Lauren, Toni, and Toni’s friend Jane. Awesome time, as usual. Too awesome of a time I think, I paid for it Friday…I was an hour and 10 minutes late! Oops. It was okay though, I didn’t get into any trouble, they (the bosses) actually thought it was funny “soooo, what’d YOU do last night Robyn? Need some aspirin?” Like I keep tellin’ ya, alcohol is the devil, lol.

Speaking of Friday, and pay...I got my first check on Friday, wooooooooooot! I can't even describe to you how fulfilling it is, to receive a check that I worked for...ya know? That's one helluva feeling. Sitting at home and collecting unemployment was nice for a while, but, there's nothing like having EARNED money. Oh, and even better, I get paid weekly, woooooooooooot!!! Like McDonald's, I'm lovin it!

Ah, Friday night, I didn’t get into anything. I stayed at home taking my [micro]braids down for my appointment Saturday morning. After my appointment, I dropped my car off to get my new speakers installed (yeeeeeyuuuuh) and then spent the rest of the day riding around with my mom. We found a 1bdrm condo that I’m super excited about! I’m supposed to go look at it today after work, hopefully it’ll be my future home! Saturday night, I met up with Lil Bit downtown @ Humphreys. We hung out there a while waiting for Lo to show, so that we could all go to the NFL party @ Crossroads…which she never did show, lol. Lil Bit and I opted to NOT go to the party when we found out it was gonna be $20, I’m sorry, but I’m not paying that to see the same folks I can see around town for free. So instead we headed to The Horse…where Brandi, her friend with blue hair, and eventually LO, met up with us. Afterwards, Lo and I went to Ihop, where we had a jolly ol’ time and a good meal…and finally, I arrived home a few minutes after 5am. **Will Insert Pix Later**

Sunday (yesterday), I slept until 2pm (can you blame me?). Then I got up, cleaned n stuff, and caught the 4:15 showing of “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins” with mom and sis. It was an ‘aight’ movie, I didn’t think it was as funny as I’d expected it to be, especially with Martin, Monique, Cedric the Entertainer, AND Mike Epps being in it. First Sunday was much, much funnier. I halfway watched/listened to the Grammy’s…weren’t Kanye’s performance and speech amazing??? I also thought Amy Winehouse performed really well…and need I even SAY how much I loved Alicia Keys’ and John Mayer’s performance. I love that man ya know? 
Other than that, I posted a new youtube video. Not doing anything special, lol, in fact I just did a lip sync of one of my favorite songs, Kissin’ You by Des’ree (the original version/artist that INSPIRED Beyonce’s version—which I also like, for the record). Here it is (check out them actin' skills, can you feel the emotion I emit, or CAN YOU FEEL THE EMOTION I EMIT??!??!! lol):

I’m trying to think if there’s anything else I’ve left out…that should pretty much bring you up to speed on everything. Oh yeah, I’m headed to St.Louis Friday after work, for the weekend. It’s Candice’s birthday, yaaaay. We’re finna do it up real big, be sure to check for pix next week. Also, we’re planning to get tatted together while I’m there. I’m getting a musical scale, across the length of the inside of my left wrist. Above the scale will be the words “Music Is” and below the scale “My Boyfriend”. I think Candice is gonna get hers on her ankle, and I think she's getting a butterfly with the caption of "If I Had Wings..." (which was my idea, chea!). I can't wait!

One other thing, I ordered a new comforter set, can't wait for it to get here, the one I have now is long overdue to be replaced, peep the new ish!

Um, yeah, so, that's it. I'm not sure what's on the agenda tonight, but obviously after an entry THIS long, I won't be posting again tonight..maybe tomorrow. Love ya'll!

YOUTUBE VID OF THE Day-because I love me some Cory & Dondrea!!!

RMwaaaaah!

SSS, out!

I Owe Ya One

2008-02-10T22:52:00.001-06:00

...my bad ya'll...I'm slackin.

Update comin' soon, I promise.

On the Run...

2008-01-31T21:55:00.000-06:00

Okay, don't feel like actually typing anything tonight, so I thought I'd do a vlog instead. I'm posting it before it actually processes all the way on youtube, so if you click play, and it doesn't work yet, just give it a few minutes and check back. Love'ems!

RMwaaaaah

SSS, Out!

Since I've Been Goooone

2008-01-28T17:47:00.000-06:00

Whew. It's been awhile, eh? My bad. Guess I've had more of a life lately. Lemme bring you up to speed...

I think I last posted last Tuesday...ah, nothing of importance Wednesday that I can remember...did a lot of shopping, that's about it.

Thursday night was rather crazy and unexpected. Then again, I never know what to expect Thursday nights. There was of course, alcohol consumption (that's definitely to be expected)...ran into 'Ryan' (which is starting to be expected--which is funny because supposedly he hates that place..yet I've seen him there at least 4 or 5 times..)-we exchanged a few words, but not much of anything else, hung out w/some folks I didn't expect to hang out with, got in at like, I dunno almost 4am, and THEN had to be at work @ 8 the next morning. Not a good look, lemme tell you. Here's some pix:

Friday night...worse. I really didn't plan to go out, I was gonna make it a blockbuster night w/Cam, but then I talked to my girl LJ (lil Janet, lmao, aka Lil Bit), and we coordinated to meet up downtown. So, we go to Humphreys so I can eat, and then head down to Sammy's. It was PACKED..which, on $3 night, it usually is ($3 cover, and ALL drinks, yes ALL drinks $3/piece). So we get in, it's already midnight, and everything closes at 2, so I'm thinkin', beer is not gonna get it w/such short time..so I opt to immediately order 2 shots of tequila (mind you, I usually don't drink tequila at all). I take those. Then, run into these 2 cops that I know from around downtown, they're sloppy drunk already, lol and they start buying us shots...all in all, I think I wound up drinking like 8 or 9 shots total that night...7 shots of tequila, and some shot of something red that I have no clue what it was, lol. I need not say the state that I was in. After Sammy's, we went back down to Humphreys, where I ran into my good friend Gina (also schnockered)..upon seeing each other, we run up n hug each other, somehow hit a table top, and collide HARD to the floor. SO embarrassing. I honestly don't like to get that drunk...I mean it's all funny ha ha at the time, but then the next day when you wake up, you're like...oh my gawd, did I do that?? Obviously I was too 'out of my element' to drive, Lil Bit got some girl to distract me while she slipped my keys out of my pocket (for future reference, if I'm THAT bad off, trust me, you don't have to sneak me, I'd have given 'em to you, lol)...and I hopped in a cab w/Gina & Mike (her bf) and slept over @ her house (Lil Bit drove my car to Gina's that night for me). I woke up Saturday @ noon...like wth?!? I'm in the guest room, Maxy's on the floor playing guard (Gina's lab)...ah, that was crazy. Here's the disturbing pix from that night:

Saturday I thought it best to recoup (plus, after the previous night's antics, I wasn't too eager to show my face around anytime soon). N invited me over Saturday afternoon/evening and we lounged around watching tv, he also cooked a really really delicious meal for me, it was awesome. Saturday night I didn't do a thing. Was supposed to catch up w/Cam, but that didn't pan out, so I just chilled out at home on the computer.

Sunday (yesterday), I didn't get into too much of anything either...finally took the retarded @$$ brackets off my trunk lid (from when I had a spoiler and it got chunked off in the carwash...leaving only the brackets..don't ask, I'm tired of explaining, lol). Filled the holes in the trunk lid that the brackets left..which currently looks hideous...but, better from a distance than those brackets did. Had a late lunch/early dinner @ Tellini's by my lonesome, and later took Superbad to N's and we lounged out again. Oh yeah, I forgot, I did get my ink yesterday, here's the pix:

'music to my ears'

I don't like this 2nd one much, I think when I go back in 3 weeks to get them touched up (fo the free free) I'll ask her to either make it something else, or maybe add a cpl smaller notes on either side...I think it's the thickness of the flag that I don't like, I think it should have been thinner. Eh, whatever.

And today, today was my first day on the new job. I wasn't sure what time I was supposed to be there (because I was never told, and didn't think to ask)...so I went at 7:30...turns out I didn't have to be there 'til 8, oh well. Anyways, it was fine, I think it'll be a great job, it'll just take me learning the ropes n all, once I get settled I won't be so bored. I am so extremely drained...I think from having so little sleep over the past week or so, and maybe the remnants of all that Jose Cuervo! I think I'll call it an early night.

Ah, other than that, not too much more to report...um, oh yeah, I've got the car itch again. What I mean by that is, I used to be into cars just about as much as I'm into music....and then when my car started to fall apart (first I think it was the spoiler, then I hit a pothole and warped one of my wheels and had to take them off and put the stock ones back on, then my subs blew...and it was ALL downhill from there)...anyways, I'm feeling it again, and I'm ready to fix 'er back up. I found some new wheels (because I don't think I'm going to be able to find the one replacement wheel for the set I have-they're discontinued)...and I hate these damn stock tires that have been on there, forever since I had to take my aftermarkets off...anyways, I hope to have the new ones within the next month or so, here they are:

Also, I've gotta get my sounds back up to par...because currently, every speaker in my car is blown, lol...I won a couple ebay auctions and these are on the way:

MTX 6x9's (arriving Feb 1st)

Audiobahn 4x6's (arriving...just won 'em today, so I dunno)

I'm waiting on Eli to get a new cd deck because he promised me I could get his since I'm in love with it, it's the pioneer deck that has the dolphin display, tight!
Then I've just gotta get some new subs(I'm thinkin' about some Fosgates, I always loved those when I had 'em before I switched up) 'n I'll be off to a good start....I have a brand new amp that I'd bought right before my subs went out) still have brand new headers I've gotta get installed...still got a brand new set of lowering springs...still got a speed glo guage set (wait, I don't even know where that is...), uh, brand new car alarm... these are all things that I bought like, back in '05, and never did anything with 'em, lol. Anyways, as like before, there's a lot of stuff I wanna get done to my car. It's almost paid off (about $2300 to go), once it is, I wanted to get one of these:
I dunno why I like that ugly litte thing, but, it's the cutest lil ugly thing ever, and I want one! But, I'm trying to think logically in '08...maybe I'll hold off a year or two before jumping into another car payment, ya know? So I figure, work with what I've got a while, and then if the desire is still there in a year or two, patna patna, lemme lemme upgrade ME!

Uh, last but not least...I'm preparing to leave the nest again...afterall, since I'm not goin' to the Navy, I have no excuse to continue to stay at home. Not that I mind, because my mommy, is one of my bestest friends...and I have the freedom to come and go as I please, but it's just the principle, ya know, I'm twenty-six, gonna be twenty-seven in just a few months, 'nuff said. So, I'm thinkin' about two different places, one is in Madison (the area I live in now), and the other is on the south end of town. The one in Madison is a 1bdrm, and the one on the south end would be a studio...I've visited both years ago, but I think I'll take another look around before deciding. Anyways, I hope to make that move sometime in March, no later than April. Wish me luck!

And well, I guess that's enough catching up...hopefully this is long enough that it makes up for all the days I've missed, lol. For future reference, I'm gonna do my best to blog Mon-Wed, I usually go out on Thursdays (duh...although I told myself I was gonna stop, with the new job and all..but, I have too much fun, I don't wanna stop, lol) so blogging Thursday nights is probably not gonna happen. Weekends, I usually don't go out partying, but I usually wind up hanging out doing something else, so, blogging Friday and Saturday is usually not gonna happen, and I will normally try to pick back up on Sunday's, but, I may be busy some Sundays also...so mainly just look for new posts Mon-Wed (though, it's not promised).

As for right now...I think I'm gonna take me a nice hot shower, throw on the ol' pj's and catch some boob tube if anything is on...until I fall asleep (I guarantee it won't take long, and I can definitely use the rest). Buh bye for now.

This week's theme for feature videos...will be some of my favorite vloggers (video bloggers).

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because DejuanP is a damn fool--omg, hilarious, please watch the WHOLE thing!

Maaaaan he cracks me UP!

One last thing before I go, big news...I just want the world to know that....I'm in love. Yes, I am. Her name is Tinker. Yes, HER name is Tinker. And no, she's not a stripper...but, she IS....a kitty!! LOL...fooled ya'll asses didn't I? LOL. Tinker is N's cat and I just love her to death. It's funny too because I'm not particularly a pet person (though I loved our pup, Stinker...aka Spazz), and definitely not a cat person, but for some reason she's earned a spot in my heart. I actually MISS her, lol. I love how when I lay on the couch she'll crawl up and lay on my chest n just purr, she's so friggin cute. Can't wait to see her again soon! I think when I get my own spot, I'm gonna get me a lil kitten, yep, definitely!

Anyways, peace.

RMwaaaahhh

SSS, Out!

Lightning Round

2008-01-22T22:48:00.000-06:00

I've been absent for what seems like forever....and unfortunately I'm not going to get too involved in this post because I really need to get to bed before midnight tonight, so, I'm gonna do a "lightning round" ( a term borrowed from my 'brother', Errick).

1. How about this...how about, I was afforded the opportunity on this past Friday, to return to my old job?!?!?! ...this, on the SAME day, that I was offered the position with the other company I told you about...unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?)..2008 is about change, and I've got to do BETTER for myself, so, I opted for the new position, pays more. Yay me!

2. Speaking of doing BETTER for myself, how did I manage to have another run-in with 'Ryan' this past Thursday? He was actually out and pretty wasted..and kind of obnoxious at that. Long story. Anyways, that's over and done with for good.

3. I got my taxes done today, woooohoooo, tax return in 24hrs, yeeeah baby!

4. Is it sad that I'm counting down the hours to Thursday? This'll be my last one out for a while, what with starting the new job 'n all :)

5. So, I've been resting a little better lately, for whatever reason. Last night was a little rocky, couldn't fall asleep even though it was like 2am when I finally laid down...I drifted off eventually. I wanna make sure I don't have another night like that though (at least on a weeknight), so taking the advice of Neal (who's pretty awesome by the way), I bought a bottle of wine earlier today and starting tonight, I'm going to have ...I think he suggested 2 glasses before I go to bed. I think it's working because I'm pretty sleepy..I'm just hoping I don't feel groggy n drained in the morning, 'cause wine does that to me.

6. So, I'm glad I didn't ward off dating. It's going pretty good. But, it's still scary, ya know? I'll try to expound on all this another time.

7. Uhhh, I think that's it. Oh wait, my car is almost paid off, yaaaaaaaay, what great news is that? I'm gonna hang onto it for a while and maybe look into fixing it back up, if I could find a replacement for ONE of my wheels (which is warped from a pothole), then I could get those put back on...get my brackets taken off the trunk, and it might be close to looking like it was before:

8. One last thing...since I'm no longer doing the Navy thing, time to raise up outta mom's crib (moved back home to avoid signing a new lease before shipping out)....so, the plan is by March (no later than April) to be moved out. Trying to get Candice here NOW so we can be roomies again...we can't wait!!!!!

K...I gotta go now, it's 11:33. So um, peace out!

I know that commercials were last week..but I love this commercial, so I HAD to feature it, I'll think of a new theme for this week (what's left of it), tomorrow!

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because 30 Minute Abs, Is Where It's At!

PS. RIP to Heath Ledger...I found myself really really sad about his death...

RMwwwwaaah,

SSS, out!

I'll Be Back

2008-01-20T22:18:00.001-06:00

...update soon, I promise. And it'll be good.

Til Then,

Keep Missing Me :)

Odds 'n Ends

2008-01-16T21:52:00.000-06:00

Another day, another dollar. Except...I'm not making any of those...yet. Soon enough. My remaining interview(s) are tomorrow morning at 9:30, for the job I've been telling you about. Hopefully I'll have good news to report. I'm also headed to the old j-o-b tomorrow to help out around the office. It'll be nice to work...never thought I'd be one to say that.
I'm paranoid...but that's another story.

I've decided to get two more tattoos. One behind my left ear, the other behind my right

Ahh, music to my ears...ha...get it? :)

Special 'shout-out' to those that acknowledged my bulletin on myspace, greatly appreciated.
Can a black person like Obama, without it being because he's black?Sheesh. All you people who think that, please know that you're annoying me.
I need ideas for new youtube vids, help me out peoples. And speaking of youtube vids...I'm still waiting on YOURS (I ain't callin' no names...*cough* ERICA *cough* CaramelDelight*cough*)
I was cleaning up files on my computer earlier, and I came across this song that I was on w/these guys in Birmingham last year, check it out here http://www.zshare.net/audio/6584295b69a84c/ ..oh, and it's not worksafe, or kid-safe, just to forewarn you.

Well, this is definitely one of those posts that I have to post just to say I made an effort. Nothing extravagant has happened between when I last posted and now. Tomorrow, maybe a different story. So, stay tuned.

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because "it's not STUFF, Meredith"

RMwwwaaaah

SSS, Out!

There's Light At The End of The Tunnel

2008-01-15T21:46:00.000-06:00

"I heard someone say that an air plane is off course 90 percent of the time and the pilot has to keep adjusting it over and over until it reaches its destination. I'm not sure if that's true but it made me think...We must set our goals and continue to adjust until we reach our destination and goals...Stay on course!" ~Reverend Run (DMC)

I was discouraged last night, in case you couldn't tell. As you all know, I had a casual interview last week for a job with a commercial construction company, it went well, except that I was told before proceeding, I'd have to make sure I could get out of my enlistment with the Navy. I took care of that (in person) on this past Friday, and reported that to Jeff (the guy I'd interviewed with). I usually hear right back from him, but I didn't hear from him Friday. No word Saturday. None on Sunday. And when yesterday rolled around and I STILL hadn't heard anything, I guess I started to think that maybe the interview hadn't gone as well as I'd first thought it had. I prayed about it because, remember, I told myself that if I didn't have a job by January 21, 2008...then I'd have to jump on somebody's stripper pole (okay...I didn't say that, and I WOULDN'T do that, but, hell, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?)...kidding, but I did say that I'd have to break down and settle on just 'any ol job'. And let's face it, the 21st is not that far off. So,I prayed about it last night. And a funny thing happened....

This morning my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number. I never answer those kinds of calls. About a minute later, I had a voicemail. It was a guy, with Jeff's company calling to see about setting up an interview. I called him back and he said that he definitely wanted to meet with me Thursday, but also wanted to meet today for a sort of preliminary interview. Well, that sort of sucked for me in a way, because I was absolutely exhausted...this was around 10:30 this morning, and I still hadn't been to sleep from the day before. He wanted to meet at 2pm, so, I laid down for an hour and a half (which coincidently did me, NO good..but I'll discuss that later). Arose w/the help of some of my friends (told them to call/text me to make sure I was up) an hour and a half later, and prepared for my interview. Well, long story short, the interview lasted from 2-3:30. I figure an interview that long has to be a good sign, right? I feel like it went really well. He complimented me on being very 'articulate' lol. I go back on Thursday for another interview with two individuals that I'd be reporting to in the given position. If I get the job, I'd start January 28th. Pray.
I'd applied online, for an administrative assistant position with a bank about a month ago. Never did hear anything about it. Assumed (and you know what assuming can do...) that the position had been filled or that they just weren't that into me (lol). Well, out of the blue, today, I receive a call from an unknown number. Naturally, I do not answer. A minute later, another voice mail. It's a woman from the bank calling about setting up an interview. Unfortunately, when I called her back, the receptionist (or whoever) told me she was on a phone call, I left a message that I'd returned her call, but I haven't heard back from her. And maybe I won't need to :)

You know what they say, the "Lord works in mysterious ways." And "He may not come when you want Him, but He's always on time."

Aside from that, I've still been really consumed by the whole 'Ryan' incident since last week.

"Pain, Is Such A Funny Thing. When It Hurts, It Hurts, But When It Leaves, It Goes...so much better, to hurt a little bit now, than to be so far gone, and hurt a whole lot, tomorrow."

I'm letting it get the best of me, and that's not what 2008 is supposed to be about, really and truly. So, now that I've had five days for it to fester, it's time to put a band-aid on the wound and keep it movin. I've got far more important things to be spending my energy thinking about. Wouldn't you say?

What else? Oh, speaking of things getting the best of me. I'm not sure WHAT to do to conquer this whole insomnia thing. I honestly think medical attention is in order here. Or maybe some over the counter meds until I can get to a doctor (no health insurance at the moment, so that makes doctor's visits sort of a ...no-go). Insomnia..what can I say about it? If you've never had to deal with it, I think it's probably really hard to understand. You think you know, but, you have no idea.

Alright, I'll explain it as best I can. Imagine you're a kid again. And it's summertime. Back in the day, there was one thing all kids looked forward to (and even now, still do..both kids and adults):
Ah, yes. The swimming pool. Or the lake. Or pond. Or fire hydrant. Or maybe even the water hose. Whatever source of water you had available to you. Do you remember how drained you were after spending an entire day in the sun and water? You know, when you're so tired you can feel it weighing your whole face down, not to mention the rest of your body? Well that's how I feel every day/night. So, it's not that I'm not tired/exhausted, I am, trust me.

Uh, so why don't you just lay down and go to sleep.

Alright, let me explain what THAT'S like. So, I get all settled in and cozy. I close my eyes. And here, begins the dilemma. My body itself, feels like a weighted log...very very heavy. You could probably compare everything inside my body, to a racecar track.
I don't just mean that in the figurative sense, like "my mind is going a mile a minute"...I literally mean that my insides feel like they're racing, but they've got nowhere to go, so they just keep hitting walls. My mind, my nerves, everything...just very very jittery. And it's a physical feeling. I can feel my eyes moving around (when they're closed) and everything!

So far the only things that I've found that help are:

Alcohol (which is why Thursday is the only night that I actually sleep at night-well, early morning, when I get in, around 230-3-and for longer than just a few hours)

Sleeping pills (which I am waiting on my pusher to supply me with...j/k...or am I? [insert evil laughter])

Or, what I'm used to, staying awake anywhere from 24-72 hours straight, until I reach a point of exhaustion.

Speaking of which, I'm exhausted now. One would think that after staying awake for such a prolonged amount of time, I'd at least get a decent amount of rest. Not so much. Until 5:30pm today, I'd been awake since I woke up YESTERDAY (the nap that I'd attempted prior to my interview..was a joke, I couldn't sleep at all, mainly because I didn't want to fall into a sleep where I wouldn't hear my alarm/phone when it was time to get up..and in turn, miss my interview). So anyways, I laid down at 5:30 to go to sleep, hoping, for the entire night. I woke up 2 hours later. It's 1:29AM now, and I'm still awake. *SIGH*

I guess now's as good a time as any, to try again...right after this game of Literati... wish me luck (with the sleep attempt, not the Literati, I got that on lock!).

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because Sonic commercials are my absolute favorite!

RMwaaaah

SSS, out!

The Sun Is Somewhere Shining, Even When It Rains...

2008-01-14T20:32:00.000-06:00

"The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, aloop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you willmake it to a place called Success. In your Happy moments, Praise God. Difficult moments, Seek God. Quiet moments, Worship God. Painful moments, TRUST God. Every moment, Thank God."

Currently: Seeking God, 'cause I'm definitely having some difficult moments.

...tired of all life's battles choosing me...

Anyways, that's all for tonight. More tomorrow, possibly.

This week's theme for feature video is FAVORITE COMMERCIALS.

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because any commercial that has the word 'kumquat' is alright with me!

At least I've still got my sense of humor.

RMwaaah

SSS, out.

Alcohol, Is the Devil.

2008-01-13T17:16:00.000-06:00

...I think Mama Boucher would agree... And here's why.

This past Thursday evening didn't start off much differently than any other Thursday evening....

Lauren text me as usual to see if I'd be getting out.

It's sort of a ritual. Thursday nights are "Ladies Night" at this dance club called Sammy T's (though most people refer to it as "Sleazy T's" because of the crowd it attracts). What this means is, no cover charge, and, most inviting for ME, $4 Pitchers. So, one night a week, my girls: Brandi,Lauren,Toni, and myself link up, drink, and indulge in merriment.

Considering the fact that I hadn't been out in quite a while (okay...2 weeks), I told her that I'd definitely be there. Later, around 10ish, Brandi called to let me know she'd gotten off work early, and was wanting to find out what the plan for the night was. I told her I'd be downtown in about an hour. I met up with them @ Mason's and by the time I got there, the drinking had already commenced. So, once I arrived, we all (Lauren had brought along 3 of her guy buddies) left and walked down to Sammy's.

As soon as we got inside, I made my way to the bar to order a shot of jager and a pitcher (to be split between me and Brandi).

Shortly after, Toni arrived. And Lauren ordered us a round of tequila.

And then, another.
Then I ordered another pitcher. And after the drinks? The merriment began.

As usual we were there until close, basically. Which in these parts, is 2am. At which point, we (me, Lauren & Brandi) always walk down to Humphreys, because even though they too close @ 2am, it is one place that we're always welcome, no matter what time it is.

Here's where things start to go awry.

I run into some co-workers of 'Ryan'. Long story short, they convince me to call him. Keep in mind, this is @ 2 in the morning. In my drunken state, I do so. He was also very much under the influence. I wind up going to see him, and well...I'll spare you the details.

I feel SO horrible. Like, not even two whole weeks ago, was it that I JUST said I was not going to give in. And what did I do? Gave in to him (again)of all people. Every single time I think about Thursday night, I just put my face in my hands and sort of shudder. I can't explain how very LOW I feel. And naturally, I haven't heard a peep from him. I am convinced he has NO decency. A decent person wouldn't treat me the way he does, especially after, well, yeah. I deserve so much better. Time for me to get back on track. And since Thursday, he's made doing that, a lot easier for me. Jerk.

*Sigh*

Anyways, aside from that...good news. I'm out of the Navy. I went Friday afternoon to talk to my recruiter & chief...obviously, they weren't terribly excited about my decision, and they definitely tried to make me feel bad for it by bashing me, but, I stood my ground...and I'm glad that it's over and done. Now, I've just gotta wait to find out about the potential job that I told you all about before. Wish me luck.

And in other news, I had my first date of the year! Which actually went really well. It wasn't with someone new, but someone from the past that I hadn't hung out with in a while. He picked me up, we went bowling. Bowled 3 games and had an all around awesome time. Afterwards we stopped by a bar, had a drink, and then he dropped me back off at home.

I look forward to hanging out with him again soon. I'll keep you posted.

Uh, other than that...not much to say. I'm gonna skip the 'he's just not that into you' entry for tonight..doesn't seem to be doing any good anyways.

Oh yeah, turns out Tokenblackchic DID respond to my 'Tagged' video, here's hers. She's hilarious.

Well....

Th th th th th th th thaaaaaaaat's ALL folks!!!

FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because she fuh damn sho walked it out!

RMwwwaahh.

SSS, out!

Temporary Post

2008-01-12T02:42:00.000-06:00

Hey ya'll....

This is just a quick entry to tell you that I haven't forgotten to post, it's just that Thurs-Sat are usually kind of busy, being the weekend and all.

But I WILL be back to post soon....gotta report on what happened Thursday night...whew. (Pix 2 Be Included!)

So, stay tuned!

2008...It's Gonna Be Great

2008-01-09T22:27:00.000-06:00

So, I met up with Jeff earlier. And I feel REALLY great about our meeting. He told me about the company and what all the position would entail, and what's to be expected and all that. Everything sounds GREAT. He's a great guy and I think it would be great to work with him. Not to mention the position itself seems to be well within my spectrum of experience. I think this is exactly what I need, to start the new year off right. But....

...yes, there's a but. There's one slight problem. Back in September, I...I, uh, joined the Navy. Yeah...don't ask. Just know that I did it. Swore in, all that. I'm supposed to ship for bootcamp on June 03, 2008. Well, since September I've sort of decided that that was a hasty decision and although I wholeheartedly think it would be good for me, I just don't think it's for me. If that makes sense. So, I plan, on Saturday to tell my recruiter, it ain't goin' down. Pretty sure you're probably thinking: uh...can you just GET OUT of that, after you've already joined and sworn in? Well, based on what I've read and what I've been told by others, I can. I guess we'll see, come Saturday morning.

Nothing else to report. Only 2 meals to day...but uh, look at what I whipped up for breakfast:

Gawd, it was good. Mmm.

Okay, I think that's about it for today folks. Oh wait...one other thing, I did part 2 of the Vocaburap (*see previous entry for the first video):

And now for tonight's excerpt from he's just not that into you- The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys:

Chapter 1 he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide by half.

Now you being the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have mad for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in. *BEGIN EXCERPT*

THE "MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT TO RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP EXCUSE'

Dear Greg,

I'm so disappointed, I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?

-Jodi

Dear Friendly Girl,

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster-but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if you're dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if could lead to sex, whether it be a "fuck buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves--we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of--and I say this with a lot of love--is how not attracted to you he is. *END EXCERPT*

Ouch. Been there, done that. No more.

Th th th th th th thaaaaaat's All Folks!

FEATURED VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because Kelis Ain't Got NOTHIN On This!

If you didn't laugh [hard] a minimum of three times during that video, then I'm convinced that you've got no sense of humor, whatsoever.

RMwwwaahh.
SSS, out!

Much Ado About...Well, You Know.

2008-01-08T23:26:00.000-06:00

I don't have much of anything to report on today, so, this could be pretty brief.

[insert your Hallelujahs here]

Um. Let's see...ooooh. Remember yesterday's post where I mentioned that I talked to Jeff about a job? Well how about this...last night I was doing something that I'm notorious for [filling out bulletin surveys on myspace] and one of the questions was:

Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?

So, I go into my actual call history..and this is what I see:

So I'm thinkin' to myself, like...um, dude:Clearly confused, I continue to scroll...I counted and uh, I called that number TWENTY-FIVE times.

Sigh. That's just senseless. Will definitely be using KEYGUARD more often. I checked the time stamps and they ranged from exactly 6:15pm to exactly 6:20pm. I called someone twenty-five times, in five minutes, lol. Wow. He had originally called me at ....::PAUSE:: okay...wow. I just made another realization. As I was typing this, I went into my AOL email and I checked one of the emails that he and I exchanged which has all of his contact information, and, the 564 number was NOT one of his numbers. Then it dawned on me...yesterday, my mom was telling me about some job thing one of the local newstations was hosting, where you could call into the station and talk to several employers there...and I remember I had to keep hitting redial and call a couple dozen times before I got through, because it was busy. So...thaaaat's who I called all those times, lol. Doh! Wow, don't I feel like a douche. I guess him not having a clue what I was talking about, when I sent an email apologizing this morning, makes sense now. At any rate...we're meeting tomorrow, yay!

Anywho, like I said, today has been pretty uneventful...as always I didn't go to sleep last night, I finally conked out around 9am this morning. When I laid down, I expected I'd probably wake up around 1, but I must have been REALLY tired, because I actually slept until 3. Woohoo, yay me, a solid 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep. Unheard of.

Aside from getting sleep, not too much accomplished here. I did make a new video though...

It's sort of silly. Well, hell, it's goofy as all get out (but what else is new)..buuuut, it was for a good cause, as you will see, here ya go!

Hey, whatever helps, lol.

I guess that's about it...oh yeah, I did want to start putting some excerpts from 'he's just not that into you: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.' For those of you that haven't heard of it, here's a quick synopsis, courtesy of http://www.wikipedia.org/:

He's Just Not That Into You is a popular self-improvement book written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo and published in 2004. It was a New York Times bestseller and was featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Maybe there's a reader that will get something out of it, but, I'm also posting it for my own sake (read it, write it, memorize it, live by it, lol). So, starting from the beginning (this is from the introduction), here goes:

[so much for being 'brief' ...oh well]

YOU ARE ALL DATING THE SAME GUY

Hey. I know that guy you're dating.

Yeah, I do. He's that guy that's so tired from work so stressed about the project he's working on. He's just been through an awful breakup and it's really hittin ghim hard. His parents' divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can't get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about (*sidebar from SSS-this is the excuse my ex gave me after we broke up...smh...ok, continue reading). He just got a new apartment and the move is a bitch. As soon as it all calms down he'll leave his wife, girlfriend, crappy job. God, he's so complicated.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life. Are there men who are too busy or have been through something so horrible that makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends. For as already suggested, a man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he's just not that into you. That's why we've written this book. We wanted to get the excuses out of the closet, so to speak, so they can be seen for exactly what they are: really bad excuses.

Hey---do you remember that movie when the girl waited around for the guy to ask her out, then made excuses when he didn't? Then she slept with him when they were both drunk, and basically just hung around until they were kind of dating? Then he cheated on her, but because she knew deep down inside that if she forgave him and kept her expectations low and was really agreeable that she'd get him in the end? He was drunk at the wedding but they lived miserably ever after in an unsatisfying relationship that was built on a shitty foundation? You don't? That's because those movies don't get made, because that's not what love is like. People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. Big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your own life. And the more you value yourself, the more chance you'll have of getting it. So read the excuses, have a laugh, and then...put them all to rest. You're worth it.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Food for thought. Masticate on that! Provided I don't get uh...sued for posting these excerpts, I shall continue [and even if I do get sued, hell I'm broke, so I guess I'll just be washing dishes for some years :D ].

Welp, that's all folks. Only thing left now, is today's Featured Video of the Day...and I think the theme this week is, Youtube Videos That I Personally Find To Be Truly H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S:

[**WARNING, NOT WORK, OR KID SAFE DUE TO LANGUAGE**]

Featured Video of the Day-Because there's nothing like watching a crackwhore on a blind date (especially when her date doesn't know what he's in for).

Aside from the very end where they talk about 'next week's episode,' [because that wasn't funny at all], that has gotta be one of the funniest spoofs I've ever seen!

RMwaaah.

SSS, out.

Everything. Simultaneously, Nothing.

2008-01-07T22:59:00.000-06:00

So, I've got good news peoples.

Earlier today, I was doing as I said I would; madly hunting online for a job. I found a few things to submit my resume for:

Administrative Assistant w/a fleet service
Receptionist w/a government contractor
Administrative Support for the city inspection department

Plus, I emailed my resume to a few folks I'd networked with whilst downtown at my favorite spot:

Also, one night a couple months ago, I was having a drink with a friend of mine, at:
It was pretty empty in there, on a...Wednesday night I think. Anyhow, it was just me, my friend, the bartender, and these two other guys. So we all ended up chatting and seeing as how I'm looking for a job, that always comes up in conversation and is usually a good way of networking. So, I exchanged email addresses with the two of them (and we're all actually pretty good friends now). One of them told me that he might actually have a position coming up, and told me to make sure I stay in contact with him. It just so happens that I emailed him an updated version of my resume today. About 3 minutes later, maybe not even that many, he emailed me back and told me to call him. Long story short, I'm going to meet up with him on Thursday sometime to discuss a position as a Project Manager's Assistant. We're going to go over in detail what the position entails and all and if I'm interested, then interviews with 'his people' will follow.

I'm really excited! Wish me luck!

So, that's that.

Remember the video I told you I was making last night? The 'tag' video? Well, it's complete (with the help of Takiyah's creative editing, lol). Here it is:

Crazy, aren't I? Yes, I know this much is true.

As promised, let's discuss my slogan for 2008. You ready?

NO DATES IN 'O8

Yeah. Pretty deep, eh? A little far-fetched, maybe.

Yeah, I was out of touch/But it wasn't because I didn't know enough/I just knew too much/Does that make me crazy?/Does that make me crazy?/Does that make me crazy?

Possibly.

~Gnarls Barkley-'Crazy'

Part of me thinks it's a little absurd, but part of me sees it as a challenge.

But Robyn, WHY???

Well, it's like this....excuse me while I go a little *emo on you for a hot second.

*Sidebar-for those that don't know what I mean when I say 'emo.' When I use it, I mean 'melodramatic' or...'angsty.'

Alright, I'm twenty-six years young. I'm a woman. Fairly attractive. Highly intelligent. Great sense of humor. Diverse. Pretty much, awesome....wait, does that make me sound conceited? Because Lord knows, I am certainly not that, by any measure of the word. BUT, that said, I AM convinced that I'm a good catch and have a lot to offer someone at some point. Generally, I don't do a lot of dating, because, well, there just aren't many people that I meet that I'm interested in spending any extended periods of time with. Like I said in the first entry, I'm not usually [overall] attracted to many people. Which makes me...extra lonely, lol. I mean, I do want that person that I can hang out with and joke around, go out with, or sit at home and watch movies, walk through the mall holding hands or just, whatever. But, I don't want to get involved with anyone just for the sake of filling some void, ya know? Because, well, that's just a waste of time, and I've done enough of that. At this point, I feel like, as cliche' and cornball as it sounds, maybe I need to take some time to be happy ALONE...like, content with being on my own. And maybe if I can attain happiness when I'm by myself, then just think how much happier I will be, when I DO find that person. So, what do you think....a year off to learn to be happy on my own? Or is that a bit much? A whole year? Is it unrealistic?

I'm not sure. Because, there's always that chance that, while doing that, I may pass up someone that's perfect for me.

Que Sera, Sera (What Will Be, Will Be).

Before I leave this subject, let me touch on one thing. I don't want anyone to get it twisted. I'm not at home crying my eyes out because I'm lonely. It's a fleeting feeling/thought. Even when it's pretty consistent, it's not as if I'm just locked up in a dark corner or anything. I'm happy...I'm happy with who I am, and who I'm striving to be. I just know that there's something missing, if that makes sense to you.

Okay, now, let me bring the beat back, lol

I had 3, count em, THREE, meals today! Yay me!

Here's something funny....then again, maybe 'I' just find it funny because my sense of humor has reaching embarrassing levels of immaturity :D

This is from earlier when I was job hunting...yes, I take pictures of just about any and everything(pay attention to the last line before #13):

Aaaaahahahahahahahahaha. Okay, maybe it wasn't that funny, but, I did get a kick out of it.

Anywho, speaking of pics, I have an idea. A few years back, on my xanga, I did this thing where, people could give me either types of people or funny faces, and I'd take a pic of me and post it, in character (using whatever I had around the house). For example: detective, librarian, etc. Or for faces: disappointed, constipated (lol), stuff like that. So tell ya what, submit your pic ideas and if I get enough of them, I'll post em up! Be creative people. I repeat, creative. And don't be on no bull neither...I will not be strippin' or any other retarded mess, lol. K, that's that.

Another thing I think I might start doing, is having a Weekly 'Feature of the Day.' So, like, for this whole week, the feature will be videos. And each day, I'll post a different 'Feature Video of the Day.' May be a music video, a random youtube video, etc...just whatevers. Then next week, the feature of the week may be a picture, or a joke, or, well, you get the point. Anyways, look forward to that.

And well, I guess that's it for me tonight, nothing else to report.

Feature Video of the Day Because this will never stop being funny to me.

Oh Mr. Turner, You're My Hero. Here's to 'keepin it real.'

After these messages, I'll be riiiight bok!

SSS, out.

P.S. On myspace, I posted a survey on my bulletin board. That survey had this question:

What does your last text message say?

My response was:

Before I say...you have to understand that the person the text is from...we exchange really really really, randomly retarded messages. The LAST text message I received said: Do you think daphne performs sexual favors for crack? Cuz I'll get some...

LMAO...I feel like you deserve to see the rest of the messages.
Uh...to see them, go to my blog...sucka!!!!!

Okay, so if you're here to see the rest of that text convo, here's how it went:

Ben: one thing i never understood about scooby doo, do all of them live in that van?
Me: Yes, absolutely. Its pretty spacious inside.
Ben: So 4 people and a giant dog live in a van together?
Me: Yes. And they all do crack when they're not catching masked bad guys.
Ben: Do you think daphne performs sexual favors for crack? Cause I'll get some...
Me: No, but Velma does.
Ben: Not my first choice but oh well she'll do.

And there ya have it. Yeah, we're pretty outrageous, and it's like that ALL the time, lol. Stay tuned for future crazy messages.

SSS, {REALLY} out {this time}.

Maniacal Insomniac

2008-01-06T23:09:00.001-06:00

*WARNING-RANDOM ISH AHEAD!

Would you believe, that from the time I woke up yesterday (Saturday...around noonish), I did not go to sleep until around 2pm today?

Quite ridiculous. And even when I did sleep, I only slept 4hrs, I was back up at six.

Insomnia sucks, I'm here to tell you. Nothing to brag about, if I could sleep like I used to, I'd be in business, I mean, I LOVE sleep, I just don't get enough of it...much like a few other things...*ahem* like, um-er-rum, food, and um, exercise.

I tell ya, this was possibly THE single most boring, uneventful weekend I've had in a long time. It's definitely the first SOBER weekend I've had a in a very long time. Unfortunately, I accidently left my wallet in Florida....so yeah, no driver's license...no funds, until my aunt sends it to me. That explains why I was in the house ALL weekend. And when I say 'in the house,' I mean, I have not stepped ONE foot outside the front door...in, 3 solid days. Wow.

Today, I've felt the most useless. I didn't go to church (that was one of the resolutions)....but, as my mom would say; "Lord willin', and the creek don't rise," I'll be there next Sunday (translation: if it's the Lord's will, and nothing bad happens between now and Sunday, that would hinder me from going, I'll be there). I haven't worked on any music. Haven't read any books...didn't eat 3 meals (I did have 2 though, which is actually a step in the right direction, lol...that is so very sad, lol). Um, yeah, I haven't done squat today.

To my credit though, I did manage to brush my teeth, and shower. Played a few games of literati, with my new literati buddy, Kyley. Check out some of the letters I had...in one instance, I had my name, and in another, well, I'll let you figure it out:

Pretty bizarre, right? Yeah, I know.

What else did I do...um, oh yeah, I was 'tagged' by Takiyah J on Youtube to do one of those '5 Things About Me' videos. It's a done deal, I'll be posting it later, I asked Takiyah to add her editing touches to my video to make it all snazz (that's my new word for 2008). Ohhh, I did a little editing myself earlier and made this:

And other than that, the only other thing I've accomplished today...is writing this blog, lol. At least I'm sticking to it, right?

Tomorrow, I'll be on a major redidication to finding a job. I'm giving myself exactly two weeks, to find a new job. Administrative, that is. If I don't have one, or the promise of one, two weeks from tomorrow, then, Hooters, here I come!

..........................................................done laughing yet?

You may laugh, because, CLEARLY, I'm more likely to be rockin' a shirt like this:

...than one like this:

Ironically enough though, I can't rememember going to Hooter's a single, solitary time, without being recruited to work there...I ALWAYS leave with an application. Always.

So yeah, two weeks to find a 'desk job' (not exactly my cup of tea either, but, until I reach true rockstar status, it'll due), then I just might be hittin' up my local hooters, and maybe a mall job too...gotta do what I gotta do, to get where I wanna be, ya know?

And well, I guess that's about it for now...I wanna tell you about my new slogan for '08...some of you have already heard it...but, I'll save that for tomorrow's post...give you (all what....five of you, lol) a reason to come back.

Oh yeah, one other thing, I think I'm gonna start havin' lil' themes, I used to do that on my xanga site, for instance: song of the day, quote of the day, video of the day, picture of the day, etc.

For now, since it's stuck in my head, I'll leave you with a video of one of my favorite songs in the whole wide world:

VIDEO OF THE DAY: John Mayer-Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

I wanna play guitar like him when I grow up. He kills it, check the end, around 4:45 seconds into it, he KILLS it. I <3 John Mayer! The end.

P.S. I just noticed that the photo I posted the blk n white one didn't show up all the way, there's a 3rd 'me' in the pic with Swagger...oh well.

SSS, out.

Ennui Overload

2008-01-05T19:26:00.000-06:00

If you're reading the title and the look on your face is similar to this:

Then let me clear it up for you. (See...I'm not all about being entertaining, this can be a learning experience too, lol.)

Main Entry:
en·nui

*a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction : boredom

Ah, yes, boredom. I was working on some music...had been for several hours. But, I'm too hungry for it right now. In other words, I want it to be so perfect, that I'm trying TOO hard...over concentrating, and therefore, keep messing up. Plus, my fingers hurt, so I decided to take a break from it for a while.

And so, here I sit boredly (that's not a word...but I'm entitled to 'creative license', so, shaddup), with nothing but my thoughts to entertain me, which by the way, aren't very entertaining at all.

Honestly, right now, all I can think about is, well, him. Which sucks, because I know he hasn't had a second thought about me...and if he has, I sure can't tell.

We'll call him Ryan...Ryan Davis. Handsome. A demeanor exuding strength and confidence. Serious, stern at times, and firm in his convictions...but charming, likeable, and not lacking a great sense of humor. A real "man's man" and, well, the fact that he's got a killer body, certainly doesn't hurt his case either. Damn him. *Sigh*

You know what my problem is? I don't fall often. Hell, I'm rarely even physically attracted to anyone, much less have the capacity to develop any sort of feelings for them. The problem is, when I do like someone I tend to really genuinely like them. Wait, that isn't the problem. The problem is, it's never mutual..

"Tell me, who I have to be, to gain some reciprocity." ~Lauryn Hill-'Ex-Factor'

I don't know what it is. I mean, we flirt. Blatantly. We've even hung out a few times...but, I don't know, it's just a weird situation. Everyone that knows that I like him, and has observed us in one another's presence, has said that they can tell that we like each other...I thought so too, but...

"Silly of me to think that I, Could ever have you for my guy...How I want you, Silly of me to think that you, Could ever really want me too ...You're just a lover out to score, and I know that I should be looking for more, What could it be in you I see, What could it be..." ~Deniece Williams-'Silly'

Maybe he's just a flirt (I'm a flirt also, and maybe, like me, just because he flirts with someone, doesn't mean he likes them). Or maybe it's because he not so long ago got out of a relationship, and he doesn't want to go head-first into another one. Maybe he just forgets to remember me...or maybe....wait....maybe oh maybe it's something way less complex than any of those excuses, maybe it's just like the book:

Hmm. Makes sense I guess. Sort of explains why I only see him once or twice a week. Never hear from him outside of that, unless I initiate it. Oh wait, there is the random communication when he's been drinking. Which brings us to Chapter Six:

Touche.'

So, no more wasted energy on Mr. Davis, right? Right? Ahem...RIGHT?!?!?! Right.

"Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option."~Anonymous

And now, it's time to return to the music.

Tata 4 Now.

SSS, out.

Welcome 2 The School of Life: V. 2008

2008-01-04T16:58:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so, here I am.

In an effort to pick up on my writing again, I've created this...rather snazzy (if I do say so myself) blog.

::Cue the balloons, confetti, and noise makers::

I'll be using this space to: b!tch and moan. babble and ramble. shoot the sh!t. be completely and utterly random. um, and whatever else I see fit. If you were ever a frequenter of my xanga (http://www.xanga.com/losttrezher ), then you're already familiar with my style. Except, this time around I think I'll be even more candid. Even more honest. Even more I don't give a f*** if YOU (whoever the YOU might be, at any given time) find this page and read it. Um, even more random. Ultimately, even more entertaining. Enjoy!

Okay, so, now what?

I usually don't 'do' New Year's Resolutions, but, this is 2008, people. And I'm living by a few different themes, one of them being:

1. If you do the things you've always done, you'll have the things you've always had.

So, with that said, here are the things I plan to accomplish in 2008.

Be more selfish. (If you know me, you know what I mean)

Only make time for the people that make time for me (I suggest you do the same)

Hang out in the bar(s) less (to include, drinking less)

Go to church, more...wait, go to church, period.

Find a job (maybe that should have been at the TOP of the list

Continue to dedicate time to my music, and remember that 'good enough' is NOT good enough

READ (I keep buying books, but never make myself read them)

Eat 3 meals a day (thanks, mom)

MOVE to Florida in SIX MONTHS

Grind (as in, work my @$$ off in all that I do, and yield results)

Start a blog...and actually write something, ANYTHING, every day.

I have some others, but, that's the 'meat' of it all. At least I've got half of the last resolution complete.

I guess that's all for now, but, "I'll be bok."

Signing Off,

SSS, out.