Well, I'm better than I was when I last blogged..and yet, I'm still not there yet.
I keep thinking back to happier times...
..and I just can't seem to shake him.
I've had the opportunity to date other people. But things just never seem to add up. Either I'm completely not interested or there's some other issues.
One thing I can say about MP is, I never really had trust issues with him. I never worried about him cheating on me. There was one girl that I had my thoughts about, but I never really thought he would do anything with her while we were together, and to this day, I believe that he didn't.
I don't trust easily, especially when I feel that people are not being completely honest with me..as honest as I am with them.
I'm the type of person that when I'm committed to someone, I am just that, committed. Naturally, people are going to approach me. People are going to want to talk to/date me, but, if I'm involved, that's a no-go.
It seems to me that people are never satisfied with what they've got, so they're always open to something better. This is why I don't date. It's exactly why I swore off dating in the beginning of the year. I somehow decided to give it a chance, but I'm definitely having second thoughts about that. I don't want to be crushed again. I don't want to revisit the place that I'm trying to get so far away from. A broken heart is the worst pain that I've ever had to deal with. And you never know what it's like until you've gone through it, and even when you have it's nearly incomprable to the next person. Know what I mean.
Anyways, I saw MP yesterday...and we actually spoke for a few minutes. It wasn't like the other times that we've seen each other and said a maximum of 3 words. We actually had a conversation...nothing deep, but it was nice none-the-less. He starts school today, which made me extremely proud of him, though I didn't express that to him.
Seeing him, talking to him...probably not the best thing for me, being that I'm not over him, but I did enjoy every second of it. I miss him still. I miss being able to openly hang out with him...going out or just chilling inside cuddled up on the couch with Ramsey (his dog).
Why can't I have those days back?
I appreciate myself...I feel that I should be sufficient, well, more than sufficient as a counterpart, so then, how come I'm the only one that feels that way...
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I keep thinking back to happier times...
..and I just can't seem to shake him.
I've had the opportunity to date other people. But things just never seem to add up. Either I'm completely not interested or there's some other issues.
One thing I can say about MP is, I never really had trust issues with him. I never worried about him cheating on me. There was one girl that I had my thoughts about, but I never really thought he would do anything with her while we were together, and to this day, I believe that he didn't.
I don't trust easily, especially when I feel that people are not being completely honest with me..as honest as I am with them.
I'm the type of person that when I'm committed to someone, I am just that, committed. Naturally, people are going to approach me. People are going to want to talk to/date me, but, if I'm involved, that's a no-go.
It seems to me that people are never satisfied with what they've got, so they're always open to something better. This is why I don't date. It's exactly why I swore off dating in the beginning of the year. I somehow decided to give it a chance, but I'm definitely having second thoughts about that. I don't want to be crushed again. I don't want to revisit the place that I'm trying to get so far away from. A broken heart is the worst pain that I've ever had to deal with. And you never know what it's like until you've gone through it, and even when you have it's nearly incomprable to the next person. Know what I mean.
Anyways, I saw MP yesterday...and we actually spoke for a few minutes. It wasn't like the other times that we've seen each other and said a maximum of 3 words. We actually had a conversation...nothing deep, but it was nice none-the-less. He starts school today, which made me extremely proud of him, though I didn't express that to him.
Seeing him, talking to him...probably not the best thing for me, being that I'm not over him, but I did enjoy every second of it. I miss him still. I miss being able to openly hang out with him...going out or just chilling inside cuddled up on the couch with Ramsey (his dog).
Why can't I have those days back?
I appreciate myself...I feel that I should be sufficient, well, more than sufficient as a counterpart, so then, how come I'm the only one that feels that way...
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4 notes:
hey sis. i wanted to let you know that you are an excellent guitarist.
for some reason the tune reminded me of my grandmother, who was buried this tuesday morning.
now i'm crying, but i'm going to be okay. she's with God.
but I want you to believe that there is more and better for you. you can do it, and you will attract the right person.
it all adds up to who you believe.
and despite all the odds against you, you should believe in two people.
yourself, and God (more Him than you :) ) nothing else matters.
-LD
Hey sweetie, You are right you are sufficient, you will get that person deserving of you that isnt going to hurt you. It just takes time for the heart to heal after its been torn, it can. Especially with the right One to mend it. And I agree with ID, rely more on God than yourself and that hurt will seem less of a burden, stop throbbing a little more each day, until one day it isnt there anymore.
Lylas
Caramel
At the end of my 2nd long term relationship in which was engaged, you can trust in me that you are not the only one that feels that way.
I also feel like you need to take a break from looking for something and relax. Don't make replacing him your goal of for that matter, finding anyone. Enjoy your life and let things come to you as they should.
You're a great girl and anyone who doesn't see it, won't see it just because you want them to. You have to wait for someone who will see everything in you that makes you a rockstar.
- E
Damn. I hate to bring this post back but I could've wrote this myself. Sometimes the ones we love are hard to shake...its been 2 years and I still have that bad habit. He just keeps poppin back up que sera que sera
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