Ennui Overload

If you're reading the title and the look on your face is similar to this:

Then let me clear it up for you. (See...I'm not all about being entertaining, this can be a learning experience too, lol.)

Main Entry:
en·nui

*a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction : boredom

Ah, yes, boredom. I was working on some music...had been for several hours. But, I'm too hungry for it right now. In other words, I want it to be so perfect, that I'm trying TOO hard...over concentrating, and therefore, keep messing up. Plus, my fingers hurt, so I decided to take a break from it for a while.

And so, here I sit boredly (that's not a word...but I'm entitled to 'creative license', so, shaddup), with nothing but my thoughts to entertain me, which by the way, aren't very entertaining at all.

Honestly, right now, all I can think about is, well, him. Which sucks, because I know he hasn't had a second thought about me...and if he has, I sure can't tell.

We'll call him Ryan...Ryan Davis. Handsome. A demeanor exuding strength and confidence. Serious, stern at times, and firm in his convictions...but charming, likeable, and not lacking a great sense of humor. A real "man's man" and, well, the fact that he's got a killer body, certainly doesn't hurt his case either. Damn him. *Sigh*

You know what my problem is? I don't fall often. Hell, I'm rarely even physically attracted to anyone, much less have the capacity to develop any sort of feelings for them. The problem is, when I do like someone I tend to really genuinely like them. Wait, that isn't the problem. The problem is, it's never mutual..

"Tell me, who I have to be, to gain some reciprocity." ~Lauryn Hill-'Ex-Factor'

I don't know what it is. I mean, we flirt. Blatantly. We've even hung out a few times...but, I don't know, it's just a weird situation. Everyone that knows that I like him, and has observed us in one another's presence, has said that they can tell that we like each other...I thought so too, but...

"Silly of me to think that I, Could ever have you for my guy...How I want you, Silly of me to think that you, Could ever really want me too ...You're just a lover out to score, and I know that I should be looking for more, What could it be in you I see, What could it be..." ~Deniece Williams-'Silly'

Maybe he's just a flirt (I'm a flirt also, and maybe, like me, just because he flirts with someone, doesn't mean he likes them). Or maybe it's because he not so long ago got out of a relationship, and he doesn't want to go head-first into another one. Maybe he just forgets to remember me...or maybe....wait....maybe oh maybe it's something way less complex than any of those excuses, maybe it's just like the book:

Hmm. Makes sense I guess. Sort of explains why I only see him once or twice a week. Never hear from him outside of that, unless I initiate it. Oh wait, there is the random communication when he's been drinking. Which brings us to Chapter Six:

Touche.'

So, no more wasted energy on Mr. Davis, right? Right? Ahem...RIGHT?!?!?! Right.

"Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option."~Anonymous

And now, it's time to return to the music.

Tata 4 Now.

SSS, out.

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