"I heard someone say that an air plane is off course 90 percent of the time and the pilot has to keep adjusting it over and over until it reaches its destination. I'm not sure if that's true but it made me think...We must set our goals and continue to adjust until we reach our destination and goals...Stay on course!" ~Reverend Run (DMC)
- This morning my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number. I never answer those kinds of calls. About a minute later, I had a voicemail. It was a guy, with Jeff's company calling to see about setting up an interview. I called him back and he said that he definitely wanted to meet with me Thursday, but also wanted to meet today for a sort of preliminary interview. Well, that sort of sucked for me in a way, because I was absolutely exhausted...this was around 10:30 this morning, and I still hadn't been to sleep from the day before. He wanted to meet at 2pm, so, I laid down for an hour and a half (which coincidently did me, NO good..but I'll discuss that later). Arose w/the help of some of my friends (told them to call/text me to make sure I was up) an hour and a half later, and prepared for my interview. Well, long story short, the interview lasted from 2-3:30. I figure an interview that long has to be a good sign, right? I feel like it went really well. He complimented me on being very 'articulate' lol. I go back on Thursday for another interview with two individuals that I'd be reporting to in the given position. If I get the job, I'd start January 28th. Pray.
- I'd applied online, for an administrative assistant position with a bank about a month ago. Never did hear anything about it. Assumed (and you know what assuming can do...) that the position had been filled or that they just weren't that into me (lol). Well, out of the blue, today, I receive a call from an unknown number. Naturally, I do not answer. A minute later, another voice mail. It's a woman from the bank calling about setting up an interview. Unfortunately, when I called her back, the receptionist (or whoever) told me she was on a phone call, I left a message that I'd returned her call, but I haven't heard back from her. And maybe I won't need to :)
Aside from that, I've still been really consumed by the whole 'Ryan' incident since last week.
"Pain, Is Such A Funny Thing. When It Hurts, It Hurts, But When It Leaves, It Goes...so much better, to hurt a little bit now, than to be so far gone, and hurt a whole lot, tomorrow."
I'm letting it get the best of me, and that's not what 2008 is supposed to be about, really and truly. So, now that I've had five days for it to fester, it's time to put a band-aid on the wound and keep it movin. I've got far more important things to be spending my energy thinking about. Wouldn't you say?
What else? Oh, speaking of things getting the best of me. I'm not sure WHAT to do to conquer this whole insomnia thing. I honestly think medical attention is in order here. Or maybe some over the counter meds until I can get to a doctor (no health insurance at the moment, so that makes doctor's visits sort of a ...no-go). Insomnia..what can I say about it? If you've never had to deal with it, I think it's probably really hard to understand. You think you know, but, you have no idea.
Alright, I'll explain it as best I can. Imagine you're a kid again. And it's summertime. Back in the day, there was one thing all kids looked forward to (and even now, still do..both kids and adults):
Ah, yes. The swimming pool. Or the lake. Or pond. Or fire hydrant. Or maybe even the water hose. Whatever source of water you had available to you. Do you remember how drained you were after spending an entire day in the sun and water? You know, when you're so tired you can feel it weighing your whole face down, not to mention the rest of your body? Well that's how I feel every day/night. So, it's not that I'm not tired/exhausted, I am, trust me.Uh, so why don't you just lay down and go to sleep.
Alright, let me explain what THAT'S like. So, I get all settled in and cozy. I close my eyes. And here, begins the dilemma. My body itself, feels like a weighted log...very very heavy. You could probably compare everything inside my body, to a racecar track.
I don't just mean that in the figurative sense, like "my mind is going a mile a minute"...I literally mean that my insides feel like they're racing, but they've got nowhere to go, so they just keep hitting walls. My mind, my nerves, everything...just very very jittery. And it's a physical feeling. I can feel my eyes moving around (when they're closed) and everything!So far the only things that I've found that help are:
- Alcohol (which is why Thursday is the only night that I actually sleep at night-well, early morning, when I get in, around 230-3-and for longer than just a few hours)
- Sleeping pills (which I am waiting on my pusher to supply me with...j/k...or am I? [insert evil laughter])
- Or, what I'm used to, staying awake anywhere from 24-72 hours straight, until I reach a point of exhaustion.
Speaking of which, I'm exhausted now. One would think that after staying awake for such a prolonged amount of time, I'd at least get a decent amount of rest. Not so much. Until 5:30pm today, I'd been awake since I woke up YESTERDAY (the nap that I'd attempted prior to my interview..was a joke, I couldn't sleep at all, mainly because I didn't want to fall into a sleep where I wouldn't hear my alarm/phone when it was time to get up..and in turn, miss my interview). So anyways, I laid down at 5:30 to go to sleep, hoping, for the entire night. I woke up 2 hours later. It's 1:29AM now, and I'm still awake. *SIGH*
I guess now's as good a time as any, to try again...right after this game of Literati... wish me luck (with the sleep attempt, not the Literati, I got that on lock!).
FEATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY-Because Sonic commercials are my absolute favorite!
RMwaaaah
SSS, out!
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2 notes:
WOW is all i can say, oh, before i get off on that...let me just say I am keeping you in my prayers and keeping my fingers crossed, you deserve this job. ok, as I was saying... To actually see how I feel written down in black and white... I hadnt really been dwelling on it until yesterday, now day before, when i almost went to sleep on the floor at the studio trying to read my class assignment.. that's it, maybe we need to go somewhere else besides our own beds to sleep... ie the floor.. I felt like if i had closed my eyes I would have been knocked out in the middle of the floor at my job, thankfully i wouldnt have gotten in trouble cuz i was off the clock..lol. Alas, a solution must be found, especially with the hopes of your new job and with my job and school being back ib session. As soon as I find a solution I will share... and you do the same. Whoever falls asleep first must share the secret. LOL.. and that Sonic guy is a nut trying to poorly to come out of his shell... lol
Wow, that's pretty deep. You know what you may have to do first? Look at your diet. Maybe you are consuming something that is keeping you up, like Caffein or a certain product. Also one thing that helps you get into sleep mode better is working out/exercising even for like 10 minutes a day. Because when you do, your body feels more tired and your brain naturally releases chemicals like oxytocin that are like endorphines so it's like a natural high and after you come down you feel more relaxed, and ready for rest. Also mentally it's very healthy cuz you feel good about yourself cause you're taking care of yourself and you feel more confident and focused in general. As far as the jittery feeling you described, I hate to say it but it sounds to me like a reaction to alcohol. Whenever I watch shows and listen to people in rehab trying to quit the first thing they talk about is the physical symptoms of withdrawal that they experience. They talk about how their body starts shaking/quivering, and their mind races. It kinda sounds like your body is trying to tell you something. It's like your constantly introducing toxins to your system when you drink and your body may actually have started craving it and depending on it. I would definitely cut back on alcohol in a major way, in fact I would QUIT drinking period. At least try it for a month or two just to see the difference you'll feel. I bet you you'll see such a significant shift .
As far as sleeping pills, I would say that's a definite NO-NO. All that does is erase the symptoms not the root of the problem. Our bodies are very wise and are always trying to communicate with us. It's a God given gift. And when you take medication like that you are just silencing the whisper. But doing that won't make the issue go away, it'll just make your body speak in other more uncomfortable and louder ways. Like Oprah says, in the beginning God throws pebbles, and when you don't listen to them they turn to stones, and then rocks, and then boulders etc. So listen to the pebbles now and try to find healthy solutions that won't create other unhealthy side effects and dependencies.
So try that for a start: changing and monitoring what you eat, exercising, cutting back and eventually quit drinking any alcohol , and also try to consume lots of water to flush out your system of toxins. Dr. Phil always talks about how when a person drinks any amount, even after the physical symptoms wear out, the toxin is in your tissues long after, so you don't realize it but you're still contaminated by it. And with you going out every weekend it's like you're not even giving your body a chance to recuperate from the damage done.
Try that for a a month and I'm willing to bet you'll see a significant difference. If that doesn't work then at least you'll have ruled out the basics and can go from there. At least this way you won't have to spend unnecessary money being ripped off by a doctor that would probably either say the same thing I'm saying, or worse, throw drugs your way.
And all the best of luck with the job Robbie. I'll keep you in my prayers and sending positive energy your way. Like carameldelight said, you deserve it :).
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